FAT women 'more sexually active'

Those who think women scoring more on the weighing scale do not score much when it comes to sexual behaviour, certainly need a reality check, for a new study has revealed that fat ladies have more sex than females with "normal weight".

Oregon and Hawaiian researchers have found that a woman's weight does not seem to affect sexual behaviour.

Led by Dr Bliss Kaneshiro, an assistant professor at the School of Medicine at the University of Hawaii, and Oregon State University professor Marie Harvey, the study was based on data from the 2002 National Survey of Family Growth that looked at sexual behaviour of more than 7,000 women. In earlier studies it was Kaneshiro observed that obese and overweight women have a higher risk of unintended pregnancy than do normal weight women.

Thus, Kaneshiro studied the relationship between body mass index and sexual behaviour, including sexual orientation, age at first intercourse, number of partners, and frequency of intercourse.

"Our analysis demonstrated that obese and overweight women do not differ significantly in some of the objective measures of sexual behaviour compared to women of normal weight. This study indicates that all women deserve diligence in counselling on unintended pregnancy and STD prevention, regardless of body mass index," said Kaneshiro.

The study ruled out the widely held stereotypes that overweight and obese women are not as sexually active as other women, as the researchers concluded that it's the opposite that is true.

"I was glad to see that the stereotype that you have to be slender to have sex is just that, a stereotype," said Harvey.

The data revealed that overweight women were more likely to report having sexual intercourse with a man, even when she controlled for age, race and type of residence.

In fact, 92% of overweight women reported having a history of sexual intercourse with a man, as compared to 87% of women with a normal body mass index.

"These results were unexpected and we don't really know why this is the case," said Kaneshiro.

Kaneshiro's study was awarded first prize at the American College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists' annual meeting this year. The study was published in the September issue of Obstetrics & Gynaecology.

Courtesy: Agencies 

WHY BOYS ALWAYS FALL FOR 'A LADY IN RED'?

DRESSED TO IMPRESS: Why the boys always fall for 'a lady in red'?

Forget that little black dress. Gentlemen really prefer a lady in red. As actress Kelly Brook knows only too well.

Blushing in shades of crimson, scarlet or deep rose, a girl is regarded as prettier and more desirable, research shows.

She is also more likely to be asked out on a date - and have more money lavished on her during the outing.

What is more, men seem completely oblivious to the effect that a glimpse of red can have on their emotions.

The researchers said it appeared they were driven by primal instincts that associate the colour with sex.

The study, carried out at the University of Rochester in the U.S., involved a series of experiments in which men were shown a photo of a 'moderately attractive' young woman.

In some cases, the colour of the border framing the picture was changed, in other cases the colour of the woman's blouse varied. Red, blue, green, grey and white were tested. In all cases, red was judged the most attractive.

The men were much more likely to ask out a woman wearing red. And they estimated they would spend almost twice as much on her as one in blue.

Despite the clear effect, the men insisted colour played little role in their choices, suggesting they were oblivious to the power of red.

The study, published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, claims to provide the first hard evidence of 'society's enduring love affair with red'.

From the red body paints used in ancient fertility rituals, to the phrase 'red light district' and the red hearts of Valentine's Day, the colour has long been associated with romance.

In the animal world, red often signals a female is at her most fertile, with female baboons and chimps blushing conspicuously at this time.

Men are not alone in being attracted to red. The research suggests a man in scarlet is just as irresistible to women.

Allow me to hum one of my favourite romantic golden song of olden days by Chris DeBurgh …

I’ve never seen you looking so lovely as you did tonight
I’ve never seen you shine so bright
I’ve never seen so many men ask you, if you wanted to dance
They’re looking for a little romance
Given half a chance
And I’ve never seen that dress you’re wearing
Or that highlights in your hair
That catch your eyes
I have been blind
The lady in red is dancing with me
Cheek to cheek
There’s nobody here
It’s just you and me
It’s where I wanna be
But I hardly know this beauty by my side
I’ll never forget the way you look tonight
I’ve never seen you looking so gorgeous as you did tonight
I’ve never seen you shine so bright, you were amazing
I’ve never seen so many people want to be there by your side
And when you turned to me and smiled, it took my breath away
And I have never had such a feeling such a feeling
Of complete and utter love, as I do tonight
I never will forget the way you look tonight
The lady in red
My lady in red……

Muhammad Mahtab Bashir
Islamabad

mahtabbashir@yahoo.com

Voice: 0300 52 56 875

SAYING 'I LOVE YOU'

If I had my child to raise all over again,
I'd build self-esteem first, and the house later.
I'd finger-paint more, and point the finger less.
I would do less correcting and more connecting.
I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.
I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.
I'd do more hugging and less tugging.
~Diane Loomans, from "If I Had My Child To Raise Over Again"

"I love you". Can any words possibly sound sweeter or offer greater comfort? Is any statement more natural – or necessary – between a parent and child? In many families, these words come easily. But if you grew up never hearing them, saying "I love you" may feel somewhat unnatural to you. Or if members of your family used loving statements to control or manipulate, you may be very uncomfortable using them with your own children.

Many families either don't communicate loving feelings very often or they communicate them in destructive ways. A counselor friend once told me she was appalled to discover that some of her clients had never heard the words, "I love you" from their parents: "I couldn't imagine parents who couldn't say 'I love you' to their children, probably because I grew up hearing it all the time. But in the middle of my shock and self-righteousness, I realized that in my family, that statement was always loaded with expectations for me to do something. Most of the time when my parents said 'I love you' they would stand there and wait for us to say 'I love you, too'. So that statement always came off as a solicitation, rather than an expression of how they really felt about us."

If either of these extremes describe your upbringing, chances are, you aren't using loving statements as often – or as "cleanly" – as you might. A few simple guidelines can help.

Let's hear it! We all need to hear loving statements from people we care about. It may be easy to assume that your kids know you love them. After all, you do love them and you probably do a lot of loving things for them. That's important.

But feeling love for someone is not the same as expressing it. Nor is doing loving things. Loving feelings and loving behaviors are not loving words – and those are important, too.

If you find it hard to get the words out of your mouth, either from lack of familiarity or fear of rejection, start slowly. A parent in one of my workshops confessed to practicing on the dog for a few days before she could get up the nerve to try it out on her kids! Another started by writing love notes to her children, sneaking them into their lunch bags or under their pillows. Both reported such a strong, positive response from their children, that saying "I love you" came much more easily after that.

Let's hear it some more. None of this "I-told-you-I-love-you-in-1985" stuff, OK? This isn't like going to the dentist twice a year. So maybe it's still not easy to say, even with the practice and little successes. Maybe hearing "I love you" even gives your kids the creeps (this is more age specific than anything else and less likely to happen if you don't say it in front of his entire 5th grade class). Say it anyhow. As a gift to yourself, communicate your love daily. At least.

Keep it simple! "I love you" is a complete sentence. We don't need to tie our feelings for a person to the person's behavior. In fact, whenever we connect it to something the other person has done, "I love you" becomes a statement of conditional caring.

"I love you when you make your bed", or "I love you when you make the honor roll", suggest that you love your child because of his behavior or accomplishment. It also suggests that the love wouldn't be there – or be quite the same – if the child hadn't made the bed or the grades. (Don't you love your kid in either case?) You can still be excited and happy about the behavior, but avoid communicating that your loving feelings for your child exist because he's doing what pleases you.

"I love you". Period:No "buts" about it! By the same token, watch the tendency to use "I love you" as a lead-in to a confrontation about something your child has done that you find disturbing. If you need to address the child's behavior or set a boundary, by all means do so. But deal with the behavior – not the worth of the child, or your feelings for him or her.

If the child needs to clean her room or miss the movie because her chores were not done, deal with the situation, not your feelings. You don't need to say, "I love you but..." to soften the blow. Your feelings are not an issue here.

Besides, because of the way the brain processes the words we hear, whatever you say before the word "but” automatically gets canceled out anyhow. (In other words, if you say, "I love you, but your room is a mess," all the child ends up hearing is, "Your room is a mess.")

Using "but" in the same sentence as "I love you" is confusing and manipulative. As in the previous example, this type of statement suggests that the child is only lovable conditionally. Cut to the chase. Avoid tying the feelings you express to the way the child is acting – good or bad.

No expectations. Say "I love you" because you want to say "I love you." Say it because you feel love toward the person you're talking to. Say it because it feels good to say it.

"I love you" is a powerful statement and lots of times it will evoke a loving response from the recipient. But attaching an expectation for a response to the statement is a set-up – both for you and the other person. If the expectation is there, your child will know it. If he does respond, it will probably be to avoid guilt or conflict rather than genuine, spontaneous caring. Is that what you really want?

If your children haven't learned how to say "I love you" yet, it's OK to tell them that you need to hear those three little words sometimes, too. Then give them some space to risk, practice and learn. By far their best lessons will come from your own unconditional modeling.

Turn the love inward. Next to unconditional love, the best gift you can give another person is the love you give yourself! In fact the ability to love, appreciate and care for yourself is essential to healthy, loving relationships with others.

So, look in the mirror. Look into your eyes. Say "I love you." No "buts." No qualifiers. Say it out loud. Say it often. Mean it. What better way to affirm how worthwhile and lovable you are. And what better way to practice one of the most basic, most precious and important parenting skills there is.

When your children aren't very loving...
"I HATE YOU, MOMMY!"OK. You're really working hard on your boundaries and recognize that sometimes responsible parenting means saying "no" to your child's request for Milk Duds for dinner or a plea for a 4 a.m. curfew. If your child is doing her job, you can count on her to occasionally resist you efforts at setting even reasonable limits. And sometimes that means she is going to fight dirty, especially if it's worked in the past.
"I HATE YOU, MOMMY!"

Nothing will trigger anger, shame, shock and a sense of inadequacy faster than this statement. It's hard to hear someone you love tell you that he hates you and not take it rather personally. Children know this. They figure out, often at a very early age, that this is a short-cut to a lot of attention (negative attention though it may be) and often to getting their own way.
So, how do you respond?

It's actually pretty simple – at least on paper. First of all, resist the temptation to talk about how this statement "really hurts me and brings up all my abandonment and inadequacy issues." Sure, tell your therapist or your sponsor, but don't dump on your 4-year-old. (Even if your children happen to have degrees in psychiatry, do you really want to make them responsible for your feelings? They're not, you know, and the burden can be overwhelming even for healthy, well-adjusted adults with excellent personal boundaries!)

Instead, acknowledge the feelings behind the statement: "You sound pretty angry," "You're upset about that'" or even "I understand."

Disengage – especially if you find yourself getting upset. Watch out for the temptation to hurt back. Saying "I hate you too, sometimes!" may be exactly what you are feeling at the moment, but it won't help you, your child or your relationship for you to become a 4-year-old who is acting out. If you need some support, encouragement, reassurance or understanding, call on your adult resources.

And leave the door open for further discussions with your child at a later, and calmer, time: "Let's talk about this in a little bit."

If you are able to stay "unhooked" and refuse to change your mind because your child has said that she hates you, she's far less likely to continue using this statement to manipulate your feelings and behaviors. Plus, you'll be able to hang onto the idea that you're still a wonderful and lovable person – no matter what your kids say!

Yes this works on Daddies, too.

Muhammad Mahtab Bashir

Islamabad

mahtabbashir@yahoo.com

cell: 0300 52 56 875

SAIDPUR VILLAGE: a jewel in the crown of Islamabad

* Around 500-year-old village has myths and folklore * CDA developing Saidpur into tourist attraction * Emperor Jahangir’s memoir, Tuzke Jahangiri mentions that he stopped in Saidpur

People often describe Islamabad as a city “without a soul”. Actually, Islamabad’s soul is not to be found in the city itself but on the fringes of the city in the little hamlets and hills.

One such place is Saidpur, a village situated in the footsteps of Margalla Hills hardly at five minutes drive from the upscale neighbourhoods of the capital.

Fauzia Minallah, an Islamabad-based artist, has written a delightful book titled ‘Glimpses into Islamabad’s Soul’. Fauzia has described many such places in and around Islamabad including fascinating Saidpur Village with long history and heritage, myths and folklore.

Recently a lot of development activity in the area has taken place. The road to the village was being carpeted, forest areas were being cleaned of undergrowth, a rustic fence was erected along the road leading to the village, and haystacks suddenly sprouted along the road to give a rural look to the area.

Development: The Capital Development Authority (CDA) is developing Saidpur into a tourist attraction, and is spending around Rs 400 million on resurrecting the old village and giving it a quaint look.

A newly built adobe gate welcomes you to the village. Built somewhat in Pueblo style, the gate seems to have been virtually lifted from Santa Fe, New Mexico and planted in Saidpur.

While CDA’s plans and efforts to revamp Saidpur are commendable, there is this danger that they might end up reinventing it.

Saidpur is a very old village – four or five hundred years old - with a history and heritage and, of course, its own myths and folklore. It is nestled in the Margallah Hills overlooking Islamabad. Built along the slope of the hills, and gradually creeping upwards, the village presents a picturesque view, particularly in the soft light of morning or afternoon sun.

Saidpur is named after Said Khan, the son of Sultan Sarang Khan, the Gakhar chief of the Potohar region during Emperor Babur’s time.

Emperor Jehangir: Emperor Jahangir’s memoir, Tuzke Jahangiri, mentions Jahangir halting at a place “beyond Rawalpindi”, on his way to Kabul. From his description it seems the place was Saidpur.

The Persian book `Kaigor Namah’ beautifully describes the place [Saidpur] during the visit of the Mughal commander Raja Man Singh in about 1580. It was a garden resort with a number of natural streams supplying water for drinking and irrigation.

Raja Man Singh was so enamored by the village that he turned it into a place of religious worship. He constructed raised platforms, walled enclosures and a number of kunds (ponds) called Rama kunda, Sita kunda, Lakshaman kunda and Hanuman kunda named after the characters of the Hindu epic Ramayana. Saidpur was declared a pilgrim centre and Rama kunda was preserved right up to 1947.

The first thing one notices on entering the village (and that is a big surprise), past a green domed mosque, is a Hindu temple, prominently situated and newly restored and painted.

A little removed from the temple, to the left, is a small building with two orange coloured domes. A plaque on this building, written in what appears to be Gurmukhi, suggests it might have been a Gurdwara or a Sikh shrine.

Between the temple and the `gurdwara’ is a neat, two-storey building that was an orphanage (Dharamsala) at one time. The temple is mentioned in the Punjab Gazetteer of Rawalpindi district of 1893-94, which suggests it is over a hundred years old. It’s amazing that a temple and gurdwara survived in a village that had no Hindu or Sikh population since 1947. Saidpur is also known for making unglazed pottery. The distinct cultural identity of Saidpur has always been its pottery and it has always been known as the potters’ village.

Old potters of the village, Niaz Muhammad and Rahim Dad, still run their workshops in the village. The shrine of Zinda Pir or the Living Saint is located just a couple of hundred feet above the temple on the hill slope under a pair of old banyan trees.

Muhammad Mahtab Bashir
Islamabad
mahtabbashir@yahoo.com
voice: 0300 52 56 875

SARAH PALIN'S WORDSWORTH

Sarah Palin is known for many things- her hairstyle, her family, her glasses, her fashion statement and her glamour quotient. But what adds ‘real spice’ to her campaign trail are her comments which never fail to tickle our funny bone. Here are few of them:

* "I'm the mayor, I can do whatever I want until the courts tell me I can't.'" - as quoted by former City Council Member Nick Carney, after he raised objections about the $50,000 she spent renovating the mayor's office without approval of the city council

* "They are also building schools for the Afghan children so that there is hope and opportunity in our neighboring country of Afghanistan." - speaking at a fundraiser in San Francisco, October 5, 2008

* "As Putin rears his head and comes into the air space of the United States of America, where– where do they go? It's Alaska. It's just right over the border." - explaining why Alaska's proximity to Russia gives her foreign policy experience, interview with CBS's Katie Couric, September 24, 2008

* "They're in charge of the US Senate so if they want to they can really get in there with the senators and make a lot of good policy changes that will make life better for Brandon and his family and his classroom." - Getting the vice president's constitutional role wrong after being asked by a third grader what the vice president does, interview with NBC affiliate KUSA in Colorado, October 21, 2008

* "We believe that the best of America is not all in Washington, DC. ... We believe that the best of America is in these small towns that we get to visit, and in these wonderful little pockets of what I call the real America, being here with all of you hard working very patriotic, um, very, um, pro-America areas of this great nation." - Sarah Palin, speaking at a fundraiser in Greensoboro, NC, October 16, 2008

* "Well, let's see. There's - of course - in the great history of America rulings there have been rulings." - unable to name a Supreme Court decision she disagreed with other than Roe vs Wade, interview with Katie Couric, CBS News, October 1, 2008

* "Pray for our military men and women who are striving to do what is right. Also, for this country, that our leaders, our national leaders, are sending soldiers out on a task that is from God. That's what we have to make sure that we're praying for, that there is a plan and that that plan is God's plan." - speaking to students at the Wasilla Assembly of God, June 2008

* "As for that VP talk all the time, I'll tell you, I still can't answer that question until somebody answers for me what is it exactly that the VP does every day?" - interview with CNBC's "Kudlow & Co," July 31, 2008

* "I told the Congress, 'Thanks, but no thanks,' on that Bridge to Nowhere." - She was for the Bridge to Nowhere before she was against it* "All of 'em, any of 'em that have been in front of me over all these years." - unable to name a single newspaper or magazine she reads, interview with Katie Couric, CBS News, October 1, 2008

Muhammad Mahtab Bashir
Islamabad
mahtabbashir@gmail.com
Cell: 0300 52 56 875

A STORM IN A T-CUP:

Drinking three cups of coffee a day 'shrinks women's breasts': Scientists say

Scientists have discovered that drinking just three cups of coffee a day can make women's breasts shrink.

Nearly 300 women were surveyed about their bust measurements and how many cups of coffee they drank in an average day.

According to researchers, three cups a day was enough to start making breasts shrink, with the effects increasing for every cup drunk.

They said there was a clear link between drinking coffee and smaller breasts as around half of all women possess a gene that has been shown to link breast size to coffee intake.
'Drinking coffee can have a major effect on breast size,' said Helena Jernstroem, a lecturer in experimental oncology at Lund University in Sweden.

'Coffee-drinking women do not have to worry their breasts will shrink to nothing overnight.
They will get smaller, but the breasts aren't just going to disappear.'

'However, anyone who thinks they can tell which women are coffee drinkers just from their bra measurements will be disappointed.'

'The problem is that there are two measures for a bra, the cup size and the girth, so you wouldn't be able to tell.'

It's not all bad news for women however as the researchers also found that regular hits of caffeine can help to cut the risk of developing breast cancer.

Scientists said that the effect of coffee is related to its impact on estrogens - the female sex hormones.

Some substances in coffee can change a woman's metabolism so she acquires a better configuration of various estrogens, therefore lowering the potential risk.

But women with bigger breasts that contain more mammary glands are at a higher risk, the scientists added.

Muhammad Mahtab Bashir
mahtabbashir@yahoo.com
Islamabad
Voice: 0300 52 56 875

SEIGE MENTALITY - ISLAMABAD FACING CHANGE

Where people once roamed free, the markets were crowded, businesses thrived and life seemed untroubled – Islamabad may never be the same again, so believe the residents. Such are the security concerns that police, paramilitary Rangers, guns and pickets are now the significant features of a town that was known for its peace and quiet.

Gone are the days when people said ‘cheese’ and had their photos taken in front of the landmark buildings along the Constitution Avenue. Gone too are the pleasure drives on the wide and inviting roads and so have the evening strolls at the Parade Square.

Police pickets today dot the down and concrete barricades and steel barriers are up virtually everywhere. Traffic has to weave past these obstacles as the cops look for a prize cache, without much luck though.There is a sense of fear among the residents who have had an overdose of bomb blasts and suicide attacks for more than a year now. The assault on Marriott Hotel last month was the bloodiest of them all.

No wonder this has prompted the town’s fortification with the owner of the battered hotel announcing only this week that he had plans to have a security wall built to protect his facility.

In the wake of security threats the talk seems to be about walls, big and small. Already some of the United Nations offices have fortified their offices by erecting such walls. The government too has plans of walling the entire Red Zone.

How extensive such precautionary measures need to be ring on everyone’s mind but residents think that the government needs to go for enhancing the capabilities of its intelligence agencies to thwart terror.

“Putting the town under siege is not the answer – do not alienate the people,” stressed Tahir Mahmood pointing out that more money should be spent on intelligence gathering.

Agreeing to his suggestion, Kashif Pervaiz said that shutting off roads and streets only means inconveniencing the public. “Please do not trouble the locals while trying to catch terrorists,” he pleaded. The residents recall with fondness the free movement in places like the Diplomatic Enclave, the lovely drives on the road leading to the Quaid-e-Azam University and a string of other spots that are now under siege.

Hamtaya Aftab, who has seen Islamabad in its infancy, remembers the days when as a youngster he used to cycle through the areas that are today completely fenced. “Islamabad is being turned into a civil cantonment and it appears that in the days ahead, the movement of residents would be restricted to the very sectors where they live,” he said.

Hamtaya thought that all the barricades and police pickets had been set up only to harass the people. “These posts are manned by burly security personnel who have no concept of security,” he claimed.

Ahad Ahmed, an Islooite for three decades said this town wouldn’t be the same again. “Because of flawed government policies, we are being made to pay the price,” he said.

Although security in the Capital was first enhanced during the Lal Masjid operation, it has continued to be more or less intense due to events that followed. Among them were the emergency rule, the lawyers’ movement, the general elections and a spate of suicide bomb attacks.Largely the people are unhappy with the state of siege and feel that security does not mean cordoning off roads and building walls all around. Rather, they stress that it is all about intelligence.

Muhammad Mahtab Bashir
Islamabad.
mahtabbashir@yahoo.com
Voice: 0300 52 56 875