"TEA IS FANTASTIC" BUT IT TASTES LIKE A TAX

In a country where non-filers can’t buy a property, a car, or even book a ticket out, being a filer has become the hottest status symbol - so much so, it might soon be carved on gravestones. Because in 2025's Pakistan, it’s not enough to live as a filer… you’ve got to die as one too!*

*Disclaimer: This is a federal government proposal, pending parliamentary approval. Until then, sit back and enjoy this fiscal fantasy- for entertainment purposes only!

Mahtab Bashir
Islamabad
0333 53 63 248
mahtabbashir@gmail.com

ISLAMABAD: The government has decided to add a little extra “tax spice” to your daily cup of happiness, turning your favourite tea and coffee into sneaky money grabbers. Bulk instant coffee now has a 5% import tax, so that big office coffee pot just got a bit costlier. Meanwhile, retail-packed instant coffee faces a steeper 10% tax, making your quick caffeine boost a little fancier (and pricier). Tea lovers, don’t relax yet - whether you’re brewing gentle green tea or a strong black cup, all the popular kinds now come with a 10% “sip tax.” Looks like your wallet might need its own strong coffee to bounce back from this!

According to Budget 2025–26, the federal government, clearly inspired by Marie Antoinette’s** fiscal strategy of “Let them drink tap water,” has decided to quench its revenue thirst by taxing your caffeine fix.

** Marie Antoinette (born November 2, 1755, Vienna, Austria—died October 16, 1793, Paris, France) was the Austrian queen consort of King Louis XVI of France (1774–93). She was known for her love of fashion, art, and luxury. Her extravagant lifestyle, amid France’s financial crisis, made her seem disconnected from the people. Her resistance to reform fueled unrest, contributing to the monarchy’s fall in 1792.

Here’s how your cup just got more expensive than your best friend’s wedding:

☕ Bulk Instant Coffee: +5% customs duty. Perfect for sad offices and bad hotels.
☕ Retail Instant Coffee: +10%. Your Nescafé sachet just joined the bourgeoisie.
🍵 Green Tea (Unfermented, ≤ 3kg): +10%. Drink it fast before it ferments into regret.
🍵 Black Tea (All forms, all sorrows): +10%. Whether you like it fermented or just angry.

But wait, there's brew more.

Despite Pakistan importing 184,663 metric tons of tea worth $468.248 million in just nine months (July–March 2024–25), the government thinks this is the perfect moment to channel Sherlock Holmes and deduct from your wallet. Meanwhile, the tea market, worth a humble $3.14 million, is already wobbling like an over-brewed Lipton bag.

Coffee, which young urbanites sip while pretending to work remotely, was already taxed at 42% to 53% — but Budget 2025–26 looked at that and said, “Make it espresso.” Now, with an added import duty and no caffeine in Parliament, consumers are grinding their teeth even before their first cup.

Economists are warning that these hikes could filter into everything - from café prices to hospitality costs - and stir inflation further. But the government has responded with its usual philosophical shrug: “These aren’t just drinks; they’re symbols of non-essential extravagance.”

Translation: If you're drinking imported Darjeeling, you’re probably hiding a gold bar in your thermos.

But don’t despair yet. Locally produced tea and coffee remain unaffected. In fact, Finance Minister Muhammad Aurangzeb subtly suggested in his speech, “Sip local, think global.” (Okay, not in those words - but the tone was there.)

Aurangzeb, who also unveiled an 18% tax on solar panels, may be aiming to create the world’s first fiscal paradox: a budget that simultaneously fights inflation, ruins breakfast, and slows down renewable energy - all in one fell swoop.

Other newly-taxed items include:

Pet food (yes, even your dog’s dinner got pricier)
Chocolates and cereal bars (snacking is now sinful)
Carbonated drinks and mineral water (bubbles are for the rich)
Imported vehicles and petroleum (walk or teleport, citizen)

The budget, totalling Rs 17.57 trillion, aims for 4.2% GDP growth, with an ironic nod to “relief for the salaried class” - though no one is quite sure if caffeine withdrawal qualifies as a salary or a medical condition.

Still, one can’t help but wonder: Will this finally be the moment Pakistan turns to local beans and native blends? Or will it spark an underground smuggling ring of Tetley and Tim Hortons? Only time - and a lot of sleepless, caffeine-deprived nights - will tell.

Until then, pour one out (gently - it’s expensive now) for your morning cuppa.