Sunday, October 6, 2013

DIARY OF A SOCIAL BUTTERFLY



‘I think so,’ I said to Mulloo yesterday, ‘Allah Mian has stopped loving us Pakistanis’. ‘Why?’ she asked. ‘Bhai, just look. I don’t mean to make huge and cry about it, but first He sent us floods, then He sent us earthquakes. Then he gave us dengue. Then he sent bijli problem. And then He gave us Talibans. Azaab after azaab.’



‘But if Imran Khan…’ Mulloo began. ‘Forgot. Allah Mian gave us that nut case Imran Khan also. Ub how much more can a nation take?’ ‘No need to speak like that, ji!’ she snapped. ‘You’ve been brain washed by that lefty husband of yours.’ Mulloo is a dye hard PTI burger na.



Throughout elections she wore a green polyester kameez with Imran’s face plastered over her belly. ‘Talibans are not our enemies. Asal mein they’re heroes, fighting a war of liberation’. ‘From who? From Christians of Peshawar?’ ‘No baba. You don’t know anything. From Americans.’



‘So that’s why they’re killing us? Because they’re angry with Americans?’ ‘You know na, that America’s sending them drawns. So it’s badla for drawns. Talibans are very fair like that.’



‘So why they can’t take badla from Americans, then, if they’re so fair? Why, are they killing Christians? Killing Shias? Shooting Malala? Why they burnt schools in Dir? Beheaded singers in Swat? Haan? Badla from America?’



‘Tau aur kya? If we follow Imran and do sullah with them and give them a nice, cool sa office with split ACs and leather sofas, then they’ll start loving us. Even Christians and Shias and womens’. ‘Chalo let’s give them an office on that new island that’s come up off Balochistan’s coast after the earthquake, okay?’



‘Voh tau it’s full of mud and dirt and gives off smelly gases’. ‘But it’s Naya Pakistan, like your leader promised’. ‘No ji, they’ll want something more comfy.’



‘Idea aya, Mulloo. Why not make acchha spacy sa office inside Imran’s mention in Bani Gala? He lives all alone there. Must have so much of wastrel space. And getting lonely also’



‘No ji, he doesn’t live there alone. For your info he lives there with his dogs, okay?’ ‘Tau that’s good, no? He’ll have a few more animals to aliven things up.’



Courtesy TFT

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