mahtab bashir, Islamabad

PURPLE PATCH

mahtabbashir@yahoo.com (m@ht@b) — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 15:14:00 +0000

Dream psychology
By Sigmund Freud

In what we may term “pre-scientific days” people were in no uncertainty about the interpretation of dreams. When they were recalled after awakening they were regarded as either the friendly or hostile manifestation of some higher powers, demoniacal and Divine. With the rise of scientific thought the whole of this expressive mythology was transferred to psychology; to-day there is but a small minority among educated persons who doubt that the dream is the dreamer’s own psychical act.

But since the downfall of the mythological hypothesis an interpretation of the dream has been wanting. The conditions of its origin; its relationship to our psychical life when we are awake; its independence of disturbances which, during the state of sleep, seem to compel notice; its many peculiarities repugnant to our waking thought; the incongruence between its images and the feelings they engender; then the dream’s evanescence, the way in which, on awakening, our thoughts thrust it aside as something bizarre, and our reminiscences mutilating or rejecting it — all these and many other problems have for many hundred years demanded answers which up till now could never have been satisfactory. Before all there is the question as to the meaning of the dream, a question which is in itself double-sided. There is, firstly, the psychical significance of the dream, its position with regard to the psychical processes, as to a possible biological function; secondly, has the dream a meaning — can sense be made of each single dream as of other mental syntheses?

Three tendencies can be observed in the estimation of dreams. Many philosophers have given currency to one of these tendencies, one which at the same time preserves something of the dream’s former over-valuation. The foundation of dream life is for them a peculiar state of psychical activity, which they even celebrate as elevation to some higher state. Schubert, for instance, claims: “The dream is the liberation of the spirit from the pressure of external nature, a detachment of the soul from the fetters of matter.” Not all go so far as this, but many maintain that dreams have their origin in real spiritual excitations, and are the outward manifestations of spiritual powers whose free movements have been hampered during the day (“Dream Phantasies”, Scherner, Volkelt). A large number of observers acknowledge that dream life is capable of extraordinary achievements—at any rate, in certain fields (“Memory”).

In striking contradiction with this the majority of medical writers hardly admit that the dream is a psychical phenomenon at all. According to them dreams are provoked and initiated exclusively by stimuli proceeding from the senses or the body, which either reach the sleeper from without or are accidental disturbances of his internal organs. The dream has no greater claim to meaning and importance than the sound called forth by the ten fingers of a person quite unacquainted with music running his fingers over the keys of an instrument. The dream is to be regarded, says Binz, “as a physical process always useless, frequently morbid.” All the peculiarities of dream life are explicable as the incoherent effort, due to some physiological stimulus, of certain organs, or of the cortical elements of a brain otherwise asleep.

But slightly affected by scientific opinion and untroubled as to the origin of dreams, the popular view holds firmly to the belief that dreams really have got a meaning, in some way they do foretell the future, whilst the meaning can be unravelled in some way or other from its oft bizarre and enigmatical content. The reading of dreams consists in replacing the events of the dream, so far as remembered, by other events. This is done either scene by scene, according to some rigid key, or the dream as a whole is replaced by something else of which it was a symbol. Serious-minded persons laugh at these efforts — “Dreams are but sea-foam!”

One day I discovered to my amazement that the popular view grounded in superstition, and not the medical one, comes nearer to the truth about dreams. I arrived at new conclusions about dreams by the use of a new method of psychological investigation, one which had rendered me good service in the investigation of phobias, obsessions, illusions, and the like, and which, under the name “psycho-analysis,” had found acceptance by a whole school of investigators. The manifold analogies of dream life with the most diverse conditions of psychical disease in the waking state have been rightly insisted upon by a number of medical observers. It seemed, therefore, a priori, hopeful to apply to the interpretation of dreams methods of investigation which had been tested in psychopathological processes. Obsessions and those peculiar sensations of haunting dread remain as strange to normal consciousness as do dreams to our waking consciousness; their origin is as unknown to consciousness as is that of dreams. It was practical ends that impelled us, in these diseases, to fathom their origin and formation. Experience had shown us that a cure and a consequent mastery of the obsessing ideas did result when once those thoughts, the connecting links between the morbid ideas and the rest of the psychical content, were revealed which were heretofore veiled from consciousness. The procedure I employed for the interpretation of dreams thus arose from psychotherapy.

This procedure is readily described, although its practice demands instruction and experience. Suppose the patient is suffering from intense morbid dread. He is requested to direct his attention to the idea in question, without, however, as he has so frequently done, meditating upon it. Every impression about it, without any exception, which occurs to him should be imparted to the doctor.

Sigmund Freud was an Austrian neurologist who founded the psychoanalytic school of psychology. He is best known for his theories of the unconscious mind and the defence mechanism of repression and for creating the clinical practice of psychoanalysis for treating psychopathology through dialogue between a patient and a psychoanalyst

THERE’S A HOLE, IN MY SOUL

mahtabbashir@yahoo.com (m@ht@b) — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 15:30:00 +0000

By Mahtab Bashir
mahtabbashir@gmail.com
Islamabad

Hay tukray tukray dil ki tarah, dastaan-e-dil
Kuch lab pay, kuch zubaan pay, kuch chashm-e-tar may hay

So Much Anguish- how could someone cause me so much twinge, she made me virtually insane. I am only me when I was with her and now … it's hard to be myself...I just tried to want her to see the good in me, but I failed on every moment.

I was born the day I met you,
Lived a while when you loved me,
And died a bit when we broke apart.

I still remember, the first time we met... And when she sang to me I swear I could fly...I was the true admirer of her voice, I distinctly remember, at our early days and thereafter, she used to hum one of my all time favourite lines of a song and later I invited her time and again to please, sing few lines of it… “Kaisay… Bhooloon gi …Tu Yaad Hamesha Aay Ga- Teray … Janay Say…, Jeena Mushkil Ho Jaay Ga …….” Aor may itna pagal - kay in 2 lines may chupay itnay baray ishary ko kabhi samjh hi na paya… balkay hamesha jab hum kabhi achay mood may hotay to may isi song ki request karta, and she never skipped my request, never did she decline any of others. I miss her, like hell- that’s it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTssV0zZfhQ

Main Hosh Mein Tha To Phir Uss Pe Mar Gaya Kaise
Ye Zehar Maire Lahoo Mein Uter Gaya Kaisay
Kuch UsKe Dil Mein Lagaawat Zaroor Thi Warna
Woh Maira Haath Daba Ker Guzar Gaya Kaisay

Now, memories are biting me- I’m devastated as my heart still is sinking. She made me realize it could be life, and its all about pain.

SWANSONG TO MY DEAREST!
I know its not your fault. May teri majboorion ko samjhta hun dear. May shyaed tujhay samjh hi nahi paya- may fail ho gia hun, or wo bhi zindagi ki early stages par. Please forgive me for everything I did wrong, for every word that hurt you. I found you more sensible, mature and ‘practical’ on every phase of life and as a human being, you are unparallel. I feel mortified- may teray kisi kam nahi a saka, kisi bhi aik kam- I’m so sorry dear. This is life, and this is how life plays its part. And this is what you keep on inserting into my mind.

If you break up with someone, it is only because there is someone else waiting for you, and that’s what you told me, on a midnight of Tuesday, November 10. Now from hereon I just want to conclude with tears in my eyes that …….. I never felt true love until I was with you, and I never felt true sadness until you left me. Now it's hard to start all over again and find a new love and a friend like you… You are unforgettable! May Allah Almighty diminish your desolations of today and forever.

All the very best, I bear no retribution whatsoever. You have your right to pick, choose or ignore, and now you have made your decisions- and rightly so because its your life. Enjoy it …

God bless you dear!

Kuch may hi jaanta hoon, jo mujh par guzar gai
Dunia to lutf lay gi meray wakiyaat say.

AN EVENING AT LAHORE
Barish thi, hum thay, or ghani ho rahi thi shaam
Tumnay lia tha kanptaay honto say mera naam
Mainay kaha tha, Ao yunhi bheegtay chalain
In rasto may dair talak ghoomtay rahein
Meri kamar may haath ye phoolon sa daal kar
Kaandhay pay meray, rakhay raho yunhi apna sir
Haatho ko may kabhi, kabhi baloo ko choom loon
Dekho meri taraf to may ankhoo ko choom loon
Pani kay ye jo phool hein, rukh par khilay huay
In mein dhanak ky rang hain saaray ghulay huay
Honto sy inko chuntay rahein, khushdili kay saath
Taaray hamain talaash karain, chaandni kay saath
Yunhi kisi darkht ky neechay kharay rahein
Barish kay deir baad bhi, liptay kharay rahein

Tum nay kaha tha, Ao chalein- raat aa gai
Dil jis say dar raha hay, wohi baat aa gai
Beetay samay ki yaad hi, rasto may reh na jay
Ye dil kahein wisaal ki barish may beh na jay

Kuch deir, aik chup si rahi darmiyaan may
Girhein si jaisay, parnay lagi hon zubaan may
Tum pechay hatnay wali thi, jaany ky wastay
Ankhein jhuka rahi thi, churaany ky wastay
Yakdam gira tha phool, koi shaakhsaar say
Dekha tha tum nay meri taraf, iztaraar say
Baarish may bheegtay huay, jhonkay hawa ky thay
Wo chand begumaan sy lamhay, balaa ky thay
Nashaa sa aik chaaron taraf phailta gia
Phir uskay baad mainay, tumhay kuch nahi kaha.

Dard Mein Bhi Yeh Lab Muskuraa Jaaty Hain
Beetay Lamhay Hamein Jab Bhi Yaad Aaty Hain …
Beetay Lamhay …….

Chandd Lamhaaat Ke Waastay Hi Sahi
Muskuraa kar Mili Thi Mujhay zindagi
Teri Aaghosh Mein Din Thay Mery Katay
Teri Baahon Mein Thi Meri Raat Kati

Aaj Bhi Jab Woh Pal Mujhko Yaad Aaty Hain
Dil Se Saaray Ghamon Ko Bhula Jaatay Hain

Dard Mein Bhi Yeh Lab Muskura Jaaty Hain
Beete Lamhein Hamein Jab Bhi Yaad Aaty Hain …
Beetay Lamhay …

Mery Kaandhy Pe Sir Ko Jhukaana Tera
Mere Sinay Mein Khud Ko Chhupaana Tera …
Aakay Meri Panaahon Mein Shaam-o-Sehar
Kaanch Ki Tarah Woh Toot Jaana Tera

Aaj Bhi Jab Woh Manzar Nazar Aaty Hain
Dil Ki Viraaniyon Ko Mita Jaaty Hain
Dard Mein Bhi Yeh Lab Muskura Jaatay Hain
Beete Lamhay Hamein Jab Bhi Yaad Aaty Hain …

Dard Mein….
Beetay Lamhay …….
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IN1ghcJcPwc

Dost kiya khoob wafaaon ka sila detay hein
Har naay mor pay ik zakhm naya detay hein

Tumsay to kheir ghari bhar ki mulakaat rahi
Log sadiyon ki rafaqat ko bhula detay hein

Jinpay hota hay bohat dil ko bharosa Tablish
Waqt parnay pay wohi log dagha detay hien.

Goodbye to you, my trusted friend.
We've known each other since we're nine or ten.
Together we climbed hills or trees.
Learned of love and ABC's,
skinned our hearts and skinned our knees.
Goodbye my friend, it's hard to die,
when all the birds are singing in the sky,
Now that the spring is in the air.
Pretty girls are everywhere.
When you see them I'll be there.

We had joy, we had fun, we had seasons in the sun.
But the hills that we climbed
were just seasons out of time.
Goodbye, Papa, please pray for me,
I was the black sheep of the family.
You tried to teach me right from wrong.
Too much wine and too much song,
wonder how I get along.
Goodbye, Papa, it's hard to die
when all the birds are singing in the sky,
Now that the spring is in the air.
Little children everywhere.
When you see them I'll be there.
We had joy, we had fun, we had seasons in the sun.
But the wine and the song,
like the seasons, all have gone.

Goodbye, S****, my little one.
You gave me love and helped me find the sun.
And every time that I was down
you would always come around
and get my feet back on the ground.
Goodbye, S****, it's hard to die
when all the bird are singing in the sky,
Now that the spring is in the air
With the flowers everywhere
I whish that we could both be there.

We had joy, we had fun, we had seasons in the sun.
But the stars we could reach
were just starfish on the beach
Courtesy Terry Jacks (Re-sung by Westlife)

Kis da dosh si, kis da nahi si
Ay gallan hun karan diyan nahi
Weilay lag gay taoba walay
Rataan hokay bharan diyan nahi

Jo hoya, aay hona e si,
Tay honi rokiyaan rukdi nahi
Ik wari jadon shuru ho jaway
Gall feir awein mukdi nahi

Kujh unjwi rahwaan okhiyaan san
Kujh gall wich gham da taoq wi si
Kujh shehar day lok wi zalim san
Kujh sanu maran da shaoq wi si

Guzashta chahtoon ka dukh hawa mein sar-sraeay to

Koi bhoola hua lamha achanak yaad aye to

Tum apnay dil ka veraana bohat abaad kar lena

Mujhay tum yaad kr lena, mujhay tum yaad kr lena

Khealon kay mundairoon par koi mash'al jalaay to

Baharon ka koi mausam tumhaein wapis bulaay to

Mery yaadon ki khushboo say wafa ko shaad kr lena

Mujhay tum yaad kr lena, mujhay tum yaad kr lena!

Muhammad Mahtab Bashir

03005256875

03335363248

mahtabbashir@gmail.com

Islamabad

SWEET LIKE SUGAR...

mahtabbashir@yahoo.com (m@ht@b) — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 12:52:00 +0000

By Mahtab Bashir
mahtabbashir@yahoo.com
Islamabad
03005256875

After hitting the domestic users hard, the sugar crisis has now hit the non-confectionery corporate sectors of Islamabad as well.

Many offices have started serving sugar-less tea including Daily Times Islamabad office to their employees. The effected beings are in severe pain as their taste buds are howling and bawling for sweetness. It is only a matter of time till the effected, sugar-deprived tongues will remain silent over this issue. However, Mahtab doesn’t need spoonful of sugar because of the naked truth, - ‘He is too sweet to have it’.

Islamabad—The scarcity of sugar in twin cities has increased the miseries of people and forced them to import sugar from other cities, people said.

People complained that no sugar available in the markets of Shakrial, Bahara Kahu, Chak Shezad, Rawal Town, Chatha Bakhtawar, Aabpara and in Super Market.

People said regarding the sugar crises that people of twin cities are facing problem from last many days. The merchants of different areas said that the system of supply and demand is deranged in twin cities.

HI5 from JON ELIA

mahtabbashir@yahoo.com (m@ht@b) — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 14:05:00 +0000

Remembering Jon Elia-

(December 14, 1931 - November 8, 2002)

A Perfect Stranger & a giant amongst his contemporaries

on his 5th death Anniversary- November 2009

Mahtab Bashir

mahtabbashir@gmail.com

03335363248

Tum jab ao gi to khoya hua pao gi mujhay
Meri tanhai mein khwaboon kay siwa kuch bhi nahi
Meray kamray ko sajaanay ki tamanna hay tumhay
Meray kamray may kitabo kay siwa kuch bhi nahi.

In kitabo nay bara zulm kia hay mujh par
In may ik ramz hay, jis ramz ka maara hua zehn
Mushda-e-ishrat-e-anjaam nahi paa sakta
Zindagi may kabhi araam nahi paa sakta.

BE-ASBAAT
Kis ko fursat, kay mujhsay behas karay
Aor sabit karay kay mera wujood
Zindagi kayliye zaroori hay.

Saari dunia kay gham hamaaray hein
Aor sitam ye ky hum tumhaaray hein

Dil-e-barbaad ye kheyaal rahay
Uss nay gesoo nahi sanwarein hein

Un rafeeqon sy sharam ati hay
Jo mera saath dey kay haaray hein

Aor to humnay kia kiya abtak
Ye kiya hay kay din guzarein hein

Uss gali sy jo ho kay aay ho
Ab to wo rahrao bhi piyaary hein

Jon jum zindagi ki rahon mein
Aapni tanha rawi ky maaray hein.

Kaon sood-o-ziyaan ki dunia mein
Dard-e-ghurbat ka saath deta hay
Jab mukabil hon ishq aor daolat
Husn daolat ka saath deta hay.

Umr guzray gi imtihaan mein kia
Daagh hi dein gi mujhko daan mein kia

Meri har baat be-asar hi rahi
Nuqs hay kuch meray bayaan mein kia

Mujhko to koi tokta bhi nahi
Yahi hota hay khandaan mein kia

Apni mehroomiyan choopatay hein
Hum ghareebon ki aanbaan mein kia

Khud ko jana juda zamaanay say
Aa gia tha meray gumaan mein kia

Shaam hi sy dukaan-e-deed hy bandd
Nahein nuqsaan tak dukaan mein kia

Aye meray subh-o-shaam-e-dil ki shafaq
Tu nahaati hay abb bhi baan mein kia

Boltay kion nahi meray haq mein
Aablay par gay zubaan mein kia.

Khamoshi keh rahi hay kaan mein kia
Aa raha hay meray gumaan mein kia

Dil kay aatay hein jisko dhiyaan bohat
Khud bhi aata hay apnay dhiyaan mein kia

Wo milay to ye poochna hay mujhay
Aab bhi hoon mAin teri amaan mein kia

Yoon jo takta hay aasmaan ko tu
Koi rehta hay aasmaan mein kia

Hay naseem-e-bahaar gard alood
Khaaq urti hay uss maqaan mein kia

Ye mujhay chaein kion nahi parta
Aik hi shaks tha jahaan mein kia.

A younger, smarter wife secret to a happy marriage

mahtabbashir@yahoo.com (m@ht@b) — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 16:06:00 +0000

Guess what's the secret to a happy marriage? Find a smart woman at least five years younger who has not been hitched before, says a new study.

Researchers at Bath University have found that couples with the best chance of a happy marriage are those in which a woman with a superior education marries a man who is five or more years older than herself.

In their study, the researchers analysed interviews with 1,534 Swiss couples who were either married or in a very serious relationship. Five years later they followed up 1,074 of the couples to see which had separated.

From this analysis, the researchers were able to tease out the factors that create a dream marriage -- and those that doom a romance to failure.

With age, they found that if the wife is five or more years older than her husband, they are more than three times as likely to divorce than if they were the same age. Couples in which the husband is the elder by at least five years are least likely to part.

A good education boosts a couple's chances of staying together, and the future is particularly bright if the wife has the most studying under her belt. Analysis of the data also showed the most stable couples were those who have never divorced, the 'Daily Mail' reported.

Courtesy Zee

MAHTAB BASHIR

0333 53 63 248

BREAKTHROUGH: They came, they dined & they left...

mahtabbashir@yahoo.com (m@ht@b) — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 13:39:00 +0000

When asked to sum up the dialogue and its outcome, one of the participants said, “We only raped the talks, producing nothing. We met, dined and left,” he said.

One of the leading newspaper quoted this in its issue published Wed, October 28, 2009

MAHTAB BASHIR
0333 53 63 248

BAYAZID BISTAMI (RA) & THE 500 HERMITS

mahtabbashir@yahoo.com (m@ht@b) — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 15:51:00 +0000

By Dr A Q Khan

God has created us in different tribes with different shapes, colours culture, taste and habits. Even our preference for literature varies from person to person. Personally, I have always been fond of reading books on Islamic history, Urdu literature, (auto)biographies and scientific books. I read, with great interest, books on Urdu poetry, Nasim Hijazi, Al-Farooq, Road to Mecca, Ghubar-e-Khatir, Urdu ki Aakhri Kitab, Ibn Batuta's Travelogue, Tazkiratul Aoulia, etc. The latter is extremely interesting, with detailed biographies of 96 auliya with special emphasis on their spiritual powers.

Tazkiratul Aulia was compiled by Hazrat Fariduddin Attar who himself was recognised as a sage. The book was written almost 800 years ago. Attar was born in 513 Hijra at Neshapur and was martyred there in 627 Hijra by a Tatar soldier.

The book contains the biography of Hazrat Bayazid Bastami (RA) who was recognised as a great sage (wali) of his time. One important story about Bastami (RA) which is not mentioned in Attar's book is given in that of Ruhaniat-e-Islam written by Maulana Alhaj Captain Wahid Baksh Sayyal (Al-Faisal Publishers/Traders, Lahore). I am reproducing the said story from the book because I am convinced many readers will find it interesting and informative. Since I did not have any contact details of Captain Wahid, I could not contact him about this, but I sincerely hope he has no objections to this. I would like to express my gratitude to Prof Ghazali for his assistance and translation."

Once on a journey, while enjoying the solitude and deeply immersed in reflection and remembrance of Allah, he heard a voice in his heart saying: 'O Bayazid! Go to Dayr Saman and join the Christians in their festivity and worship; a spectacular event will take place'. He recited aa'uzubillah and told himself: 'I will not let this suggestion cross my mind again.' That night he heard the same inner voice. When he woke, he was shivering. He started wondering whether or not he should obey this command. He then heard the inner voice saying: 'Don't be afraid! You are among the best auliya and your name is written in the scroll of the virtuous ones. Put on the dress of the hermits and there will be no blame or sin on you.'"

Early the next morning he put on the Christian hermit's dress and went to Dayr Saman. It was the day of their festivity and hermits were congregating from all over to listen to the sermon of their chief. He took a seat among them. When the chief took the pulpit, everyone was silent. He tried to speak but the pulpit started shaking and he could not say anything. The hermits asked him what prevented him from speaking. He told them that a 'Mohammadan' had come in their midst to test their faith and this had prevented him from speaking. 'Show us that person and we will kill him instantly', they responded to which he said 'don't kill him'. 'I will test him by putting some questions about theology to him. If he answers them all correctly, we will spare him. Otherwise we will kill him'. 'As you wish; we are all your followers', they replied. Thereupon the chief called out from the pulpit: 'O Mohammadan, I give you oath by Mohammad to stand up so that everyone could recognise you'. Bastami stood up. 'Ask whatever you want of rational or traditional matters', he replied. 'Allah is a witness between us'."

The chief then went on to ask: 'Tell us who is the one who has no second; what are the two that have no third; what are the three that have no fourth… what are the thirteen that have no fourteenth? Tell us who are the people who tell lies and enter paradise and the people who tell the truth and enter hell? Tell us which part of your body is the resting place of your name? What are the winds that scatter dust, the clouds that bear heavy weights of water, the ships that float with ease and the angels that distribute provisions by Allah's command? What is that which is dead and yet it breathes? Who are the fourteen who spoke with the Lord of the Worlds? Which was the grave that moved with the buried one? Which is the water that neither fell from the sky nor gushed out from the earth? Who are the four who were born without parents? Whose is the first blood that was shed on earth? What is it that was created by God; then purchased by him? What was created by God and then disliked by him? What was it God created and then expressed its gravity? What was it God created and then asked Himself what it was? Who are the best women in the world? Which rivers are the best in the world; the best mountain; the best animal; the best month of the year; the best night? What is the catastrophe (Tammah)? Which tree has twelve branches with each of them having thirty leaves; each leaf having five flowers, two of which are in the sun and three in the shade? What is it that performed the Pilgrimage of Baitullah (House of Allah) and performed Tawaf, but it has neither life nor is pilgrimage obligatory upon it? How many prophets were created by Allah and how many of them are fully-fledged messengers? What are the four things with different tastes and colours having one root? What is naqeer, qitmeer, fateel, sabad, labad, Tam and Ram? What does the dog say when it barks; the donkey when it brays? What do an ox, a horse, a camel, a peacock, a nightingale and a frog say? When the bell rings, what does it say? Who are the people to whom Allah sent a revelation, but they are neither jinn nor men nor angels? When the day dawns, where does the night go and when the night falls, where does the day go?'"

After this Bastami said: 'If you have any more questions, ask them now'. The chief replied: 'No more questions". Bastami then asked the chief: 'If I answer all these questions to your satisfaction, will you believe in Allah and His Messenger (PBUH)'. 'Yes, indeed', all of them replied. He then said: 'O Allah! You are witness to this statement of theirs'. "

Thereafter Bastami replied as follows: 'The one who has no second is Allah, the only One who is all-powerful. The two that have no third are the day and the night, for Allah says: 'We have appointed the night and the day as two signs'. (17:12)

The three that have no fourth are the throne (arsh), chair (kursi) and pen (qalam). The four that have no fifth are the four major Divine Books – the Torah, the Bible, the Zabur and the Holy Quran. The five that have no sixth are the five obligatory prayers.

The six that have no seventh are the six days in which Allah created the heavens and the earth, for Allah says: 'Indeed we created the heavens and the earth and all between them in six days'. (50:38) The seven that have no eighth are the seven heavens, for Allah says: '… seven heavens, one above the other'. (67:3)

The eight that have no ninth are the eight angels who are the bearers of the Divine Throne, for Allah says: '… and eight angels will, that day, bear the Throne of Your Lord'. (69:17)"

The nine that have no tenth are the nine mischief-makers of Bani Israel, for Allah says: "….and there were in the city nine men who made mischief in the land and would not reform" (27:48).

The ten that have no eleventh are the ten days of fasting prescribed for one who is performing the Pilgrimage of Tamatu (one of the three procedures of pilgrimage), but who cannot afford to sacrifice an animal, for Allah says: "...(but if he cannot afford it), he should fast for three days during the pilgrimage and seven days after his return, making ten days in all." (2:196)

The eleven that have no twelfth are the Prophet Yusuf and his brothers, for Allah says: "…indeed I saw eleven stars." (12:4)The twelve that have no thirteenth are the twelve months of the years, for Allah says: "Verily, the number of months with Allah is twelve; so was ordained by Allah." (9:36)

The thirteen that have no fourteenth are what is mentioned in Yusuf's dream, for Allah says: "...verily I saw eleven starts and the sun and the moon prostrating themselves to me." (12:4)The people who lied but went to heaven were the brothers of Yusuf who said: "O our father! We went racing with one another and left Yusuf by our belongings and a wolf devoured him." (12:17) Yet Allah forgave them their sins.

The people who told the truth, yet they will go to hell are the Jews and the Christians, as Allah says: "The Jews said that the Christians follow nothing and the Christians said that the Jews follow nothing." (2:113) Each is right in rejecting the authenticity of the other's religion, yet both will go to hell.My ears are the true resting place of my name.The winds that scatter dust are the winds that blow from the north, south, east and west. (51:1)

Hamelaat-e-wiqra are the clouds that bear heavy weights of water. (51:2) The ships that float with ease are those ships that sail the high seas. (51:3) The angels who distribute by Allah's command are those who distribute provisions from the fifteenth of Shaaban to the next fifteenth of Shaaban. (51:4)

That which is dead and yet breathes is the morning, for Allah says: "…and by the dawn as it breaths." (81:18)The fourteen who spoke with the Lord of the Worlds are seven heavens and seven earths, for Allah says: "...and said to them and to the earth: 'Come both of you willingly or unwillingly.' They both said: 'We come willingly." (41:11). The grave that moved with the buried one was the whale that swallowed Prophet Yunus.

The water that neither fell from the sky nor gushed from the earth is the sweat of the horses that was sent by Bilqees to the Prophet Sulaiman to test him.

The four born without parents are the sheep slaughtered in place of Prophet Ismail, the female camel of Prophet Salim, and Prophet Adam and his wife, Hawwa (Eve).

The first bloodshed on earth was that of Habeel (Abel) who was killed by his brother Qabeel (Cain). The thing created by Allah and then purchased by Him is the life of a true believer, for Allah says: "Indeed, Allah has purchased of the believers their lives and properties for the price that theirs shall be Paradise." (9:111).

The thing created by Allah and then disliked by Him is the braying of a donkey, for Allah says: "Indeed, the most unpleasant of all voices is the braying of asses." (31:19)The thing Allah created and then expressed its gravity is that plotted by women, for Allah says: "…certainly mighty is your plot." (12:28)

The thing Allah created and then asked Himself what it was is the staff of Prophet Musa, for Allah says: "…and what is that in your right hand?" (20:17)

The best women in the world are Hawwa, the mother of mankind, Khadija, Ayesha, Aasia and Maryam. May Allah be pleased with them all.

The best rivers in the world are the Oxus, Tigris, Euphrates and Nile; the best mountain is Tur; the best animal is the horse; the best month is Ramazan, for Allah says: "….the month of Ramazan in which was revealed the Quran" (2:185); the best night is Lailatul-Qadr, for Allah says: "...the night of Al-Qadr is better than one thousand months." (97:3).

The catastrophe (Tammah) is Doomsday.The tree with the twelve branches is the year; twelve branches for the months; thirty leaves for the days of every month; five flowers for the five daily prayers, two of which are offered in daylight and three while it is dark.

The lifeless thing that performed the Pilgrimage is the ship of Prophet Nuh.The total number of prophets is one hundred and twenty-four thousand, out of whom three hundred and thirteen are Messengers. The rest are non-messengers.

The four things with different tastes and colours but with a common root are the eyes, nose, mouth and ears. Their root is the brain. The water from the eyes is saltish; that of the mouth is sweet; that of the nose is sour and that of the eyes is bitter.

Naqeer is the speck on the back of a date stone as mentioned in the Quran (4:124). Qitmeer is the thin membrane covering the date stone. (35:13)

Fateel is the thin white layer inside the date stone. (17:71). Sabad and labad are the names of the wool on the body of sheep.

Tam and Ram are the names of creations before the creation of the Prophet Adam.

When the dog barks it says: "Woe to the inmates of fire by the wrath of the All Powerful.

"When the donkey brays it looks at satan and says: "Curse be upon the devil that misguides."

The ox says: "Allah be glorified above all imperfections, and praise be for Him."The horse says: "Glorified be the One who protects me when brave men fight and men are engaged in fierce battle."The camel says: "Allah is enough for me and Allah is sufficient as my Protector."The peacock says: "The most gracious rose over the mighty throne." (20:5)

The nightingale says: "Glorify Allah when you come up to the evening and when you enter the morning." (30:17)

The frog says: "Glorified be the Lord who is worshipped in the populated as well as the deserted places and glorified be the All Powerful King."

When the bell rings it says: "Glorified be Allah; truly, truly observe, O son of Adam; in this world westwards and eastwards, you will not find anyone surviving here."

Allah sent revelation to the bees, for He says: "Take you habitations in the mountains and in the trees and in what they erect." (16.68)

When the day dawns, the night goes to the other side of the Earth (due to the earth's rotation on its axis) and when the night falls, day goes to the other side, which cannot be altered by any prophet or angel (save by His own will).

After having said all this, Hazrat Bayazid asked them: "Are any of your questions still unanswered?" To which they replied: "No, you have correctly answered all the questions."

Then Bastami asked the Chief to answer only one question: "What is the key to Paradise?" The Chief declared that the key is: "La IlahaIllallah, Muhammad'ur-Rasulullah."

The rest of them repeated the Kalimah in unison. They immediately took off their hermit's robes and embraced Islam.

Courtsy The News

Mahtab Bashir- 0333-5363248

THE BOSTON BRAHMIN

mahtabbashir@yahoo.com (m@ht@b) — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 15:37:00 +0000

By Anjum Niaz

Since all the worthy columnists have exhausted the KLB, the new name for the Kerry-Lugar Bill, I have nothing remarkable to add to their sound and fury. Let's instead turn to a small housekeeping matter like: is Foreign Minister Qureshi's son working for Senator Kerry? Zain H Qureshi's (ZHQ) business card is circulating the cyberspace these days. It says that he is a legislative fellow in Kerry's Washington DC office. When I called up Kerry's office and asked for Qureshi, the voice at the other end immediately said, "He does not work for us". The woman appeared primed for such a question. She said she had received a similar query earlier that day. Incidentally the cell number on ZHQ's call card has been disconnected; while the mail box belonging to "Zain Qureshi" was "full!" So, I couldn't get to him.

After a number of phone calls to Senator Kerry's office, I finally found out from one of Kerry's male staffers that ZHQ did indeed work for Kerry but had now left. Why has ZHQ gone into hiding? Did he do something wrong? Yes. And the Foreign Office finds itself between a rock and a hard place. How can it condone its boss's act of getting his son a job with Kerry when the KLB talks were at a critical stage? Even if fate smiles upon ZHQ because he's the favoured son of our foreign minister and the doors of the high and mighty in Washington open up for him, we have the right to know whenever the son's job compromises his dad's position. More importantly if it is in direct conflict with Pakistan's interests.

Would you not call this a conflict of interest? Should the foreign minister resign? And if Zardari cannot afford to let him go, then the FM must seek a public apology.

The Boston Brahmin, Senator Kerry is complicit in this act. Boston Brahmins are New England's aristocracy like the Makhdooms of Multan, i.e. Shah Mahmood Qureshi and his tribe. These guys claim to fame is blue-blooded ancestry, wealth, influence and the right to rule. He said the following during his 2004 presidential campaign: "There's a great passage in the Bible that says, 'What does it mean, my brother, to say you have faith if there are no deeds? Faith without works is dead.' And I think everything you do in public life has to be guided by your faith, affected by your faith . That's why I fight for equality and justice. All of those things come out of that fundamental teaching and belief of faith."

Senator Kerry must practice what he preaches. Would he have given ZHQ the time of the day had the young man not been the son of Pakistan's foreign minister?

Why do the good folks fighting Pakistan's case in Washington DC become the usual suspects? In Musharraf's time it was Dr Nasim Ashraf. One wondered whether the Maryland-based millionaire doctor's heart bled for Pakistan or for Musharraf or for himself. Today, Ambassador Husain Haqqani is under fire from certain Pakistani quarters who accuse him of working for Washington and not Islamabad. Haqqani is hitting back via email messages to anyone wondering what's cooking in Washington. Yours truly is one of the unlucky recipients. Surely our ambassador must have known that his boss's son was working for Kerry. Good counselling from Haqqani to Qureshi would perhaps have saved the latter the embarrassment he is facing today?

Another glaring example of how the Democrats are enticing the Pakistani leaders is the recent banner headline: "Zardari far ahead in popularity." According to Democracy International, an affiliate of the Democratic Party of America, Zardari is ahead of Nawaz Sharif in the popularity contest. To anyone with an iota of intelligence, the timing of this screamer is suspect. What has Zardari achieved in recent days for "51 per cent" of Pakistanis to suddenly fall in love with him? His jiyalas, one fears, would declare October 1, the day the survey was announced, as the President's Day – the day of the great revelation. Declaring it a public holiday perhaps?

And when the polls go against the sitting president, these foreign busybodies are kicked out of Pakistan. Gen Musharraf asked IRI (the International Republican Institute), an affiliate of the Republican Party to wind up their office in Pakistan and leave when he got bad ratings from them. Not sure if indeed it was IRI that offended Musharraf, I called up their office in Washington. "What is your column about?" asked Lisa (I couldn't catch her last name) from the press section. I told her politely that it was not possible for me to provide her details of my column. "If you can't tell me what your column is about then I can't help you," she replied sternly. This is just a small example of how Masonic these polling outfits are. They think they have the writ to go around Pakistan poking their noses into our affairs, but when it comes to asking a simple question like if Musharraf asked them to wind up their office in 2008, they get so cagey.

Sadly, the epicentre of our knowledge is the received wisdom from such dodgy polls conducted by Democracy International and the International Republican Institute (IRI). Hey, where's Gallup Pakistan? Have we become so incompetent or doped that we can't even conduct popularity polls in our own country and must therefore rely on America?

We are the opium-eaters. We swallow whatever comes from Washington. While the Democrats tell us that Pakistanis love Zardari because of KLB, the Republicans via their polling affiliate the IRI sing a different tune. Their August polls conclude that "Pakistanis continue to hold onto the opinion that conditions in the country are problematic and President Zardari is perceived as being responsible." If this does not sound confusing enough to an ordinary Pakistani trying to work out the popularity ratings of Zardari and Nawaz Sharif, have another go. According to September 9 report in the Christian Science Monitor, "Zardari's popularity sags - will it undermine Pakistan's fight with Taliban?"

Here's another twister from the Los Angeles Times. The headline reads: "Zardari at fault for low rating?" This gem was published on August 31. "Pakistan President Asif Ali Zardari is aware that his popularity has sunk to new lows at a time when his arch rival Nawaz Sharif -- who heads the Pakistan Muslim League (Nawaz) -- is boasting high popularity, a media report said. He is widely viewed in Pakistani society not as a helmsman, but a bystander. It's an image that is largely of Zardari's own making, say analysts who contend that he has failed to forge any kind of connection with the Pakistani public.Last but not the least is the recent poll by the Pew Research Centre, a Washington-based institute, which says that "less than a third of Pakistanis have a favourable opinion of Mr Zardari. The president was widely reviled after being accused of demanding kickbacks while he served in Benazir Bhutto's Cabinet in the late 1980s and again starting in 1993."

Give us a break! If by now we don't get it that the US is using these polls as a weapon for manipulation of third world dictators (Gen Musharraf) and corrupt rulers then Pakistan, I'm afraid to say, is going down the tube fast.

Conflict of interest, eh? Here's yet one more example. Do you know how many Pakistani parliamentarians and cabinet ministers hold foreign nationalities, including our president?

The writer is a freelance journalist with over twenty years of experience in national and international reporting

Courtesy The News

MAHTAB BASHIR

0333 5363248

FORGOTTEN LESSON OF HISTORY

mahtabbashir@yahoo.com (m@ht@b) — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 15:25:00 +0000

By Roedad Khan

On Saturday last, the army launched an operation, code-named Rah-i-Nijat against Mehsud strongholds in South Waziristan. "Both air and ground troops are taking part", Major General Athar Abbas, Chief of the Inter-Services Public Relation told the journalists. Earlier Army Chief General Kayani briefed the political leadership on the "imperative" of the operation against the Mehsuds. The die is cast. An invisible Rubicon crossed.

With this operation Pakistan is launched on the path to a protracted, inconclusive war in the mountains of Waziristan. The decision to commit our forces to such a war is, in my view, a tragic error. Waziristan may not be Vietnam but it has its own river of history that General Kayani is now stepping into.

Once again, there is a dry wind blowing throughout Waziristan and parched grasses wait the spark. Now that the match is lit, the blaze may spread like wildfire throughout the tribal area. Talking about Waziristan, a Mehsud tribesman told a missionary doctor at Bannu: "When God created the world there were a lot of stones and rocks and other lumber left over which were all dumped down on this frontier".

In the early 1900s, a crusty British general, Andrew Skeen, wrote a guide to military operation in Waziristan. His first piece of advice: "When planning a military expedition into Pashtun tribal areas, the first thing you must plan is your retreat. All expeditions into this area sooner or later end in retreat under fire".

The British decision to send troops into the Khaisora valley in November 1936 which transformed Ipi's agitation into a full scale uprising almost over night and set Waziristan on fire which lasted until after 1947. The British failed to capture Ipi and the campaign had to be called off. The judgment displayed by the British and the poor intelligence upon which they based their decisions were chiefly to blame for the disasters that followed. This was the last major rebellion in Waziristan which stemmed from an abrupt change of policy.

The tribesmen's unrivalled fighting record, their ability to intervene in Afghan affairs and to involve Afghans in their own affairs, were factors ignored by the British that made Waziristan different from other Frontier areas. This disastrous attempt to "pacify" Waziristan was the last of several major incursions into tribal territory during the hundred years of Britain's presence in Northwest India. On each occasion the tribes and the mountains won a strategic victory, despite local tactical reverses, and the bulk of the Indian troops were forced to withdraw back into the plains of the Indus valley. The British soon learned that you can annex land but not people.

When the British left, Pakistan had reason to be glad that it had inherited a secure North West Frontier. In September 1947, Mr. Jinnah took a bold decision to reverse the "pacification" policy, withdrew regular troops from Waziristan and entered into new agreements with the tribes. Cunningham, the new governor of NWFP, appointed by Mr Jinnah was a Frontier expert. His disillusion with the "pacification" policy was complete. "I think that we must now face a complete change of policy. Razmak has been occupied by regular troops for nearly 25 years. Wana for a few years less. The occupation of Waziristan has been a failure. It has not achieved peace or any appreciable economic development. It ties up an unreasonably large number of troops, and for the last 10 years there have been frequent major and minor offenses against the troops." The change in policy produced dramatic results and paid rich dividends.

All this has now changed. Mr Jinnah's Waziristan policy which had stood the test of time has been reversed. Our troops are back in Waziristan. Some time back, the commander of the US led troops in Afghanistan, Lieutenant General David Borno, let the cat out of the bag when he said that US and Pakistani forces were working together like "hammer and anvil" to trap Osama and Al Qaeda forces along the border".

Those who know the Frontier are deeply concerned. The Pakistan government is playing with fire. By reversing Mr Jinnah's Waziristan policy, at the behest of Americans, it has alienated powerful tribes in Waziristan and unsettled our western border which had remained peaceful for 62 years since the birth of Pakistan.

The nation is beginning to see the rapidly unfurling consequences of General Musharraf's fateful decision to join the "coalition of the coerced". America's dreaded war on terror has indisputably arrived on Pakistan's soil. Pakistan is slipping into anarchy and stands on the brink of civil war. A perfect storm is looming on the horizon.

We have stumbled into a war that we cannot fight and win for the simple reason that we don't seem to realize what guerrilla war is like. We are sending conventional troops to do an unconventional job. I can foresee a perilous voyage. The war in Waziristan cannot be won because it is perceived as the white man's war. It could be won only if perceived by the powerful tribes as Pakistan's own war. That, unfortunately, is not how they perceive this war. The conflict will, no doubt, be long and protracted. We will suffer more because not even a great power can beat guerrillas. The enemy cannot be seen: he is indigenous to the country. My fear is that we will get bogged down.

War against our own people is too terrible a thing to resort to. Many questions spring to mind. Was the decision to go to war determined by the absence of other viable options? Why was it not debated in parliament? Why deploy military means in pursuit of an indeterminate and primarily political end? Was there a geopolitical imperative to resort to war in Waziristan? Aren't we Pakistanising the American war on our soil? We must also recognize the limitations of modern, high technology, military equipment in confronting highly motivated guerrilla movement in a treacherous terrain.

We must also recognize that the consequences of large-scale military operations – against our own people – particularly in this age of highly sophisticated and destructive weapons – are inherently difficult to predict and control. Therefore, they must be avoided, excepting only when our nation's security is clearly and directly threatened. These are the lessons of history. Pray God we learn them. But as George Bernard Shaw said: "We learn from history that we learn nothing from history."

The writer is a former federal secretary.

Courtesy The News

MAHTAB BASHIR

0333 53 63 248

Kerry-Lugar Bill: Can It Bridge the Trust Deficit?

mahtabbashir@yahoo.com (m@ht@b) — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 12:13:00 +0000

The debate over the US $7.5 billion (over five years) Kerry-Lugar Bill - The Enhanced Partnership with Pakistan Act - passed by the U.S. Senate late September seems to have have generated great confusion, bemusement, anger and frustration. Sometimes, all at the same time.

Pakistan Army considers the Bill to be an “insult,” that Pakistan’s Prime Minister sees it as a “big success for democracy,” that India is “upset” about it, and that U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is chiding the Bill’s critics to “read the Bill first.” Even as the entrepreneurial classes in both Washington and Islamabad dream up big plans and salivate at impending windfalls, it is difficult to tell whether it is the political pundits in Washington who feel more insulted or the political pundits in Islamabad. Suffice to say, both are seething with anger, even when it is not at all clear why.

The Kerry-Lugar Bill is a five year commitment for up to US $7.5 Billion for developmental assistance, with up to US $ 1.5 Billion available each of the next five years, which amounts to a tripling of the U.S. civilian assistance to Pakistan. Responding to what has been a call of many Pakistanis over many years, it directs this assistance towards civilian, and especially infrastructure, uses and not towards military aid. It also tries to respond to the fears about corruption by the bureaucracy and politicians by asking for strong oversight over use and effectiveness.

So, what is there not to like about the Kerry-Lugar Bill? Speak to the Bill’s proponents in Washington and they will ask you: “Isn’t this exactly what you guys have been asking for all along? More money. Money for civilian development projects. Money that will be accounted for and used properly. So, why aren’t you all dancing in the streets and hugging us in gratitude?” Many Americans are clearly feeling insulted because what they see as a case of their generosity not being appreciated.

For its critics the answer is straight-forward and can be summarized in one word: conditionality. The critic’s wrath is not really about what the Kerry-Lugar Bill promises; it is about what the Kerry-Lugar Bill demands. Call it concerns about sovereignty, about imperialism, about national pride, or whatever else, but many Pakistanis are clearly feeling insulted because they think they have been presented with a ‘bill of demands’ and being asked to sell out cheap.

One can dissect things deep in search of hidden meanings and clues. Too many people are already doing that and it really does not help. The problem is deep. But it is not hidden.

The debate we are now seeing is one more manifestation of the deep deficits of trust that have marked all US-Pakistan relations. In the absence of trust, Pakistanis - even those who might otherwise support this Bill - simply refuse to accept that America could possibly be interested in Pakistan’s interests. For the very same reasons, Americans - even those who strongly wish to see a stronger Pakistan - simply refuse to acknowledge the intensity with which Pakistan has always sought “friends, not masters.”

The fact of the matter is that if the U.S. had any trust whatsoever in the Pakistani state or the Pakistani people, this Bill would not have been crafted in the language it is. By the same token, if Pakistanis had any trust whatsoever in the United States their reaction would not have been what it is even if the Bill were written as it is. The US-Pakistan relationship is a most reluctant international relationship. The Kerry-Lugar Bill is a good example of this. Here is support that the Americans would much rather never have been ‘made’ to give to Pakistan. Here is support that Pakistanis would much rather never have been ‘made’ to accept.

And herein lies the real problem of Pakistan-US relations. Neither trusts the other. Each can give many reasons - and some of them, in each case, are very valid - why, but that matters little. The result is a tainted and reluctant relationship.

When I visit Pakistan, I am often asked: “What do Americans think of Pakistan?” In USA, I am often asked “What do Pakistanis think of America?” The answer to both questions is exactly the same: “They think of you exactly what you think of them. They don’t really like you, they certainly don’t trust you, but right now they think they need you.”

It is no surprise, then, that there is no US-Pakistan ‘relationship’; there are only US-Pakistan transactions.

Here is a Bill that should have been, and still could be, used as a means to build that trust. The trust without which this relationship will forever be tainted, reluctant and prone to constant frustration. If the two sides (and it really is about what both sides do) continue to look at this as a transactional episode - of services provided and paid for - then five years from now Americans will find themselves asking what the point of spending (’wasting’) all this money was, and Pakistanis would be heard questioning whether they would have been better off never having accepted this largess. Both have been there before and both are likely to end up being there again.

On the other hand, if - and this is as big an ‘if’ as you will ever find in international relations - the two sides really do get past the ugliness in the discourse right now and use this opportunity to move from transactions to a relationship then, as Humphery Bogart said in the movie Casablanca, this could well become “the start of a beautiful friendship.”

But for that to happen, too many things would first have to change in both Islamabad and Washington. At this point, unfortunately, it is not clear at all that either is interested, or capable, of those changes.

Courtesy Adil Najam

.... And here's why men have sex

mahtabbashir@yahoo.com (m@ht@b) — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 14:01:00 +0000

READING the list of reasons why women sleep with men, David Thomas wondered: Don't they ever do it because they like us?Does desire mean anything to women? Because it certainly does to men.

In our youth, desire can be indiscriminate. A young man's relationship with his sex drive is like a dog-walker's with an ill-disciplined dog: he is led from pillar to post without hope of discipline or control. Some men, no matter how old they are, will never stop chasing women for sex.

But for most of us it's different. We've realised that girls, instead of being the pointless, silly creatures we took them for, are the most amazing, fascinating, desirable creatures on the planet.

They can make your heart soar with a glance, and crush your spirit with a sneer.

Women don't have to do anything to hold men in their power. Just existing is enough.

Why else would men have written countless poems and love songs? Why else would they have painted them, sculpted them, gone to war for them?

It's men, not women, who are the true romantics. We want sex because it feels great, reinforces our self-worth and, for us, physical intimacy is the proof and expression of emotional intimacy: to be denied sex is to be cast out.

This makes sex as frightening as it is intoxicating.

We hate to admit it, but we are dependent on women and worry about our ability to satisfy them.

In this Sex And The City age, we fear that every act of love will be analysed over cocktails like a premiership game on Match Of The Day.

Over time, lust and capacity fade. So sometimes we have sex just to prove we can. But most of all, ladies, we want sex because we love you.

themercury

Women really can't keep a secret: TONGUES START WAGGING AFTER JUST 47 HOURS

mahtabbashir@yahoo.com (m@ht@b) — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 13:51:00 +0000

Ever wondered how long a woman can keep a secret? Well the answer, it seems, is less than two days.

Researchers found that they will typically spill the beans to someone else in 47 hours and 15 minutes.

A study of 3,000 women aged between 18 and 65 also found that four in ten were unable to keep a secret, no matter how personal or confidential the news was.

More than half admitted that alcohol could prompt them to dish the dirt. Boyfriends, husbands, best friends and mothers were most likely to be initial recipients of the information.

Michael Cox, UK Director of Wines of Chile which commissioned the research said: 'It's official - women can't keep secrets.

'We were really keen to find out with this survey how many secrets people are told. What we didn't bank on was how quickly these are passed on by those we confide in. 'No matter how precious the piece of information, it's often out in the public domain within 48 hours.

'That means every single Brit who has confided in a friend should be worried because they don't know where their secret is heading.

'The fact they offload gossip to someone completely unrelated to the matter or in a different social group can be comforting, but while nine in ten girls deem themselves trustworthy - they still have spilt the beans.

'And juicy gossip can really flow after a couple of glasses of wine.'
The study found that the average woman hears three pieces of gossip each week, and will pass it on to at least one other person.

Three in ten 'have the urge' to reveal secrets, with nearly half telling another to 'simply get it off their chest'.

However, two thirds end up feeling guilty after spilling the beans. Three quarters claim they are capable of keeping quiet about a secret, and 83 per cent consider themselves 100 per cent trustworthy.

Yet more than four in ten think it is acceptable to share a friend's secret with someone who does not know them, with over 40 per cent saying their husband is their ultimate confidante.

Intimate issues, true cost of purchases and affairs emerged top of the secret-keeping list. Fortunately for some, 27 per cent said they forgot what they were told the following day. MAIL

BED SHARING 'BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH'

mahtabbashir@yahoo.com (m@ht@b) — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 13:44:00 +0000

Couples should consider sleeping apart for the good of their health and relationship, say experts.

Sleep specialist Dr Neil Stanley told the British Science Festival how bed sharing can cause rows over snoring and duvet-hogging and robs precious sleep.

One study found that, on average, couples suffered 50% more sleep disturbances if they shared a bed.

Dr Stanley, who sleeps separately from his wife, points out that historically we were never meant to share our beds.

He said the modern tradition of the marital bed only began with the industrial revolution, when people moving to overcrowded towns and cities found themselves short of living space.

Before the Victorian era it was not uncommon for married couples to sleep apart. In ancient Rome, the marital bed was a place for sexual congress but not for sleeping.

Dr Stanley, who set up one of Britain's leading sleep laboratories at the University of Surrey, said the people of today should consider doing the same.

"It's about what makes you happy. If you've been sleeping together and you both sleep perfectly well, then don't change, but don't be afraid to do something different.

"We all know what it's like to have a cuddle and then say 'I'm going to sleep now' and go to the opposite side of the bed. So why not just toddle off down the landing?"

Tossing and turning: He said poor sleep was linked to depression, heart disease, strokes, lung disorders, traffic and industrial accidents, and divorce, yet sleep was largely ignored as an important aspect of health.

Dr Robert Meadows, a sociologist at the University of Surrey, said: "People actually feel that they sleep better when they are with a partner but the evidence suggests otherwise."

He carried out a study to compare how well couples slept when they shared a bed versus sleeping separately.

Based on 40 couples, he found that when couples share a bed and one of them moves in his or her sleep, there is a 50% chance that their slumbering partner will be disturbed as a result.
Despite this, couples are reluctant to sleep apart, with only 8% of those in their 40s and 50s sleeping in separate rooms, the British Science Festival heard.

MSN

ARE YOU MISTAKING LUST FOR LOVE?

mahtabbashir@yahoo.com (m@ht@b) — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 19:01:00 +0000

In terms of mature relationships and love, most of the times, people fail to distinguish

Every Cinderella longs to find her Prince Charming and live happily ever after. We all want to fall in love. Why? Because that experience makes us feel completely alive. Our emotions get magnified, senses get heightened, and we are flying in seventh heaven. It may only last a moment, an hour, a day, but that doesn't diminish its value....

But are you sure it’s love that we are talking about?

Why do independent, smart women become emotional wrecks after a romantic break-up? Why do older men gravitate towards younger women? Could it be estrogen and testosterone hormones that addict us to our lovers? In terms of mature relationships and love, most of the times, people fail to distinguish between the true meaning of love and lust.

Have you ever been swept off your feet by a man/woman standing next to you in a queue? Is it merely infatuation, a strong shot of chemistry, or budding love - the real thing? Is Cupid playing a prank or bringing you true love forever?

Love at first sight is not believable. Love takes time. Lust at first sight sounds much more accurate. A study done by testing the blood samples of twenty couples, who claimed to be madly in love for less than six months, revealed that serotonin levels of new lovers were equivalent to the low serotonin levels of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder patients.

It's hard to tell if you are in love because there’re no set defining characteristics of love. The dictionary says it's "a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection" or "a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person." What exactly is this feeling or attraction?

The question evoked the thought process of Paramita Roy, a fashion designer; she was surprised that she had never thought of this aspect of her relationship before. After much silence she concluded, "Emotions are not sufficient to suggest whether a relationship is that of love, no matter how strong the attraction may be." Sadly, there is not much awareness to distinguish between lust and love and that is why we have so many emotional and social problems.

Since time immemorial we are hearing that love is blind. But that’s a mistake; real love is not blind. Quite the opposite, it is a relationship in full awareness. Over time, through good communication and wisdom, you can start knowing your partner. Gradually, you become aware of his/her flaws and try to work your differences in a healthy way.

Lust, on the other hand, could be perceived as being "blind" as it usually distorts reality, especially when you're so involved that you don’t care to find out the real persona of your partner. According to Shruti Bhatia, a psychologist, we often idolize our partners, magnify their virtues and find a way to explain their flaws. This basically happens because many movies, books and songs paint an unrealistic portrait of love, which further builds a false perception of love in our minds.

When Sameer Nagpal, a commercial pilot by profession, was asked whether his six-year-old relationship was based on love or lust, he was quick to reply, "Love is full of sacrifices, trust and respect whereas lust is built on physical attraction, fun and thrills. Real love is commitment. I cannot categorize my relationship as a short sensational affair of love is in the air."

Do some real soul searching today and identify your relationship. If you're in a relationship which does not have fondness, respect, affection, devotion along with passion, it would be wise to back off. Or else, one day those wonderful romantic feelings will be gone and you will wonder what happened to your perfect romance. Accept the fact that you or your partner is not ready for commitment. After all, commitment is a choice which is backed up with actions and maturity.

Courtesy ToI

WHEN YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH TWO...

mahtabbashir@yahoo.com (m@ht@b) — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 18:55:00 +0000

Have you ever wondered why at times, some of us are attracted to two people at the same time?

You may be happy (or not) in your relationship, when you suddenly find yourself being drawn to another person — it could be an emotional entanglement or physical attraction.

According to relationship counsellor, Dr Minnu Bhonsle, often a person who finds themselves drawn to two people, is one whose certain desires are being satisfied by one person and certain other desires are being satisfied by another person. Giving up one means giving up some of those desires, which they aren’t prepared to do. “More often than not, this problem arises when one looks at a relationship, based purely on one’s own gratification (I-centric), instead of a mutually shared partnership (we-centric) where the relationship, the ‘we’, the ‘us’ is valued and where healthy negotiations take place,” says Dr. Bhonsle.

A we-centric person communicates to the partner that certain basic relationship needs aren’t being fulfilled — this open communication and mutual understanding goes a long way in building stronger relationships. “One should know when and what to negotiate and when to simply let go and ignore. Many times people are confused with the terms ‘good times’ and a ‘good life’. A successful pursuit of endless good times is something that can never really exist, and can only result in inevitable sadness and disappointment of unfulfilled expectations,” says Dr. Bhonsle

Psychiatrist Dr Parul Tank says that there are cases where people are attracted to two people, and are even in two relationships at the same time. “People look for certain qualities in their partner and may find those qualities in two different partners. It may also be if one is seeking thrill or is bored with their current partner. Many times people have virtuals attractions — I have seen clients who are happily married but attracted to other people on the Internet. When this happens, it depends on how comfortable the person is in juggling the relationships and balancing a fine line of commitment,” she says. “It also depends on the degree of attraction, and whether the person can distance himself or herself if the need arises. Usually balancing two relationships often creates an emotional conflict leading to feelings of guilt, shame and anxiety in the individual,” says Dr. Tank.

You can:
* Break the fixation and give up your self-centeredness.
* Learn how to care about and be sincerely dedicated to the satisfaction of another.
* Become a sensitive listener, who hears what is said and some things that are not able to be said. * Postpone personal gratification to meet the needs of another. Get in touch with your deepest feelings and most hidden thoughts. * Share your most vulnerable self as an act of love.
* Get honest feedback from someone who really knows you through your own self-disclosure.
* Work at the delicate art of communication and shared decision-making.

Courtesy ToI

WORDS are not ENOUGH!

mahtabbashir@yahoo.com (m@ht@b) — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 14:37:00 +0000

You said forever, we’ll cherish our dreams together …….

In Memory of

Muhammad Moazzam Bashir
(June 08, 1959 – January 14, 2008)

It matters not how a man dies, but how he lives.

Please join us

as we commemorate the loss of

Muhammad Moazzam Bashir

(Additional Commissioner- Income Tax)

on his 1st death anniversary on 18th January (Sunday), 2009.

Program (In Sha Allah)

Qura’n Khawni/ Na’t Khawni ………. 10:30 am
Dua’ ………. 12:30 pm
Lunch ………. 1:00 pm

At House # 2026, Street # 32, I-10/2, Islamabad

RSVP

Bashir Hussain Nazim

(Pride of Performance)

0345- 5069323

Muhammad Mahtab Bashir

0300- 52 56 875

Reliving the memory of Muhammad Moazzam Bashir (RIP) Celestial Realm of awe and admiration of his personality inspires our hearts, kindness, intellect and prudent intelligence kindles our thoughts. It is requested to all of you to pray for Moazzam Bhai's maghfirat. May Almighty Allah bless his soul in eternal peace and grant us the fortitude to bear this irreparable loss and give us strength to nurture his all three daughters to his penchant.

I BELIEVE IN THE POWER OF PRAYERS

A year has passed for me
A year without my loved one
It may seem like eternity
It may seem like yesterday

Time has led me on
Somehow I have survived
With the pain in my heart
Life changes its meaning
What once was important is different
From this enormous void

I hope that my bro

would take comfort in knowing
That his remembrance on this day
As you join me in prayers
In honoring my beloved
Both in life and in death.

Muhammad Mahtab Bashir

mahtabbashir@gmail.com

Cell: 0300- 52 56 875

Islamabad

For more…. Please click the following links

http://mahtabbashir.blogspot.com/2008/03/my-brother-walking-lexicon-walks-away.html
http://mahtabbashir.blogspot.com/2008/04/tere-bina-xindagi-bhi-laikin.html

http://mahtabbashir.blogspot.com/2008/03/in-memory-of-my-brother_06.html

http://mahtabbashir.blogspot.com/2008/03/most-important-part-of-body-is.html
http://mahtabbashir.blogspot.com/2008/09/mein-zindagi-kay-azab-likhoon-kay.html
http://mahtabbashir.blogspot.com/2008/09/eid-sans-moazzam-bhai.html
http://mahtabbashir.blogspot.com/2008/12/end-of-circle.html

VIRGINITY PLEDGES NO GUARANTEE, Study Says

mahtabbashir@yahoo.com (m@ht@b) — Sun, 04 Jan 2009 16:18:00 +0000

As many as one in eight teens in the United States may take a virginity pledge at some point, vowing to wait until they're married before having sex. But do such pledges work? Are pledge takers more likely than other teens to delay sexual activity?

A new study suggests that the answer is no. While teens who take virginity pledges do delay sexual activity until an average age of 21 (compared to about age 17 for the average American teen), the reason for the delay is more likely due to pledge takers' religious background and conservative views -- not the pledge itself.

According to a study published Monday in the journal Pediatrics, pledge takers are as likely to have sex before marriage as other teens who are also religious, but don't take the pledge. However, pledge takers are less likely than other religious or conservative teens to use condoms or birth control when they do start having sex.

In the new study, Janet Rosenbaum, Ph.D., of Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health in Baltimore, Maryland, analyzed the large chunk of data used in all the studies that have looked at virginity pledges: the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health. In this survey, middle and high school students were asked about their sexual behaviors and opinions starting in 1995-96.

In the analysis, Rosenbaum compared 289 young adults who took virginity pledges in their teens with 645 young people who did not take such a pledge. The researcher was careful to only compare teens who had similar views on religion, birth control and sex in general, regardless of whether or not they took a pledge.

Five years after the initial survey the study subjects were aged 20 to 23. Eighty-two percent of pledge takers denied (or forgot) they had ever taken such a vow. Overall pledge takers were no different from non-pledge takers in terms of their premarital sex, anal and oral sexual practices, and their probability of having a sexually transmitted disease.

Both groups lost their virginity at an average age of 21, had about three lifetime partners, and had similar rates of STDs. "And the majority were having premarital sex, over 50 percent," says Rosenbaum. Overall, roughly 75 percent of pledgers and non-pledgers were sexually active, and about one in five was married.

Unmarried pledgers, however, were less likely than non-pledgers to use birth control (64 percent of pledge takers and 70 percent of non-pledge takers said they used it most of the time) or condoms (42 percent of pledge takers and 54 percent of non-pledge takers said they used them most of the time).

"There's been some speculation about whether teenagers were substituting oral or anal sex for vaginal sex and I found that wasn't so," says Rosenbaum. "But I did uphold a previous finding that they are less likely to use birth control and drastically less likely in fact to use condoms -- it's a ten percentage point difference."

Rosenbaum is concerned that abstinence-only sex education programs that promote virginity pledges may also promote a negative view of condoms and birth control. The result may be teens and young adults who are less likely than their peers to protect themselves from sexually transmitted diseases and unplanned pregnancies.

Federal funds for abstinence only education programs have increased from $73 million in 2001 to $204 million in 2008. About 25 states apply for such funds each year to educate teens, says Rosenbaum. Sometimes programs are measured by how many teens take virginity pledges, not whether the teens stick to them, avoid sexually transmitted diseases or unplanned pregnancies, says Rosenbaum.

"Studies find that kids in abstinence-only programs have negative, biased views about whether condoms work," she says. Since such programs promote abstinence only they tend to give only the disadvantages of birth control, she says. Teens learn condoms don't protect you completely from human papillomavirus (HPV) and herpes, which is true, but they may not realize that they protect against all the "fluid-based STDs," she says. "People end up thinking you may as well not bother using birth control or condoms."

Virginity pledges, along with a six-hour curriculum, were first introduced in 1993 by an evangelical Christian group, and a 1995 survey suggested that 13 percent of teens had taken such a pledge (current survey data are lacking, says Rosenbaum.)

"Virginity pledgers are very different than most U.S. teens -- they are obviously more conservative, they have more negative views about sexuality and birth control and so, even if they didn't take a pledge, these would be teenagers who would be very likely to abstain anyhow," says Rosenbaum. About 40 percent of the study subjects were born-again Christians, she notes.
The new study does not suggest that virginity pledges are harmful, says Andrew Goldstein, M.D., an obstetrician and gynecologist at Johns Hopkins School of Medicine, because they were not associated with an increase in STDs or unplanned pregnancies. However, they do seem to be "useless," says Goldstein, who was not involved in the study.

Promoting the pledges gives a "false sense of security and energy could be better spent in education," he says. "It is time to stop spending money on these useless programs and funnel it into safer-sex counseling."

When it comes to advice for the parents of teens, Rosenbaum notes that just about every organization, from Focus on the Family to Planned Parenthood, offers a similar message.
"Parents should talk to their kids about their sex. It should not be single conversation, it should be a continued conversation at the moments that are teachable moments," she says. "Parents tend to hope that schools will take care of it -- they can't, obviously."

Muhammad Mahtab Bashir
mahtabbashir@gmail.com
+92 300 52 56 875
ISLAMABAD

STAYING APART KEEPS ROMANCE ALIVE

mahtabbashir@yahoo.com (m@ht@b) — Thu, 25 Dec 2008 15:55:00 +0000

Love knows no boundaries. Be it ten hours or ten long years away from your partner, keeping up the intimacy quotient is a prerequisite for any relation to survive. Intimacy doesn't only imply sex, but maintaining a bond that keeps you emotionally involved with your partner.

Writing letters, sending E-mails, phone calls and voice chats are pretty common in a long-distance relationship. Now, what about some out-of-the-box ideas to pep up your love life even while you remain miles away from your beloved? These methods would not only spice up your relationship, but would also let you conquer the distance factor and maintain a never-ending intimacy.

Suneel Vatsyayan, a relationship counselor states, "The most important ingredient of any relationship is communication, especially if it's a long-distance relationship. While communicating, focus on things that reiterate the good moments you both have spent together so that both of you are able to feel closer to each other. Be it an E-mail or a phone call or a web cam conversation, using words, phrases and instances that bring a smile on your partner's face can do the trick." When faced with a lack of reassuring conversations between couples, there might be chances that relationship goes through a turmoil. So, here are a few ways that will help you kill the distance and keep the romance alive.

Snail mails: Quite clichéd, but perhaps the most inexpensive way to stay in touch with your partner. The recipient can keep the letter and read it any time they miss you. Mahima, a bank manager feels regular E-mails and letters are the best options to stay connected with her husband stationed in France. "It's tough during office hours to make frequent calls, so by the end of everyday we drop an E-mail in each others' mail box sharing whatever activities we engaged in throughout the day, things that kept us busy, office gossip, family news and plans for the next day. And of course, some lovely messages towards the end of the mail act as an add-on to express how much we care, love and miss each other."

Point to ponder: While writing such mails, do not ramble unnecessarily on mundane details. Keep the focus on your partner and your relationship, mentioning what are your emotions and how you feel without him or her.

Web-cam magic: Overcoming the logistics barriers and staying in contact with your partner throughout the day, web cameras add a much needed kick for long-distance couples. Jitesh Wadhwani, a business consultant in the US enjoys lovemaking moments with his wife through a web cam and feels that they can keep up their sex life alive using virtual means. "It may not be every night, but we try and come online as much as we can to enjoy some pleasurable moments. Surely we miss the physical 'touch,' but merely seeing each other and then enjoying our fantasies is an intoxicating feeling. She (my wife) was a little hesitant initially, but now even she is comfortable and we both enjoy this idea of virtual sex quite a lot," he shares.

Point to ponder: As long as it's between the two of you, there's no harm and you can enjoy sexual pleasure. Internet or web cameras may not be as safe as your physical relationship, so be vigilant about your acts and moves.

Recorded messages: Try sending your lover a taped love message or a CD that alternates between your conversation and some of your beloved's favourite songs. A software engineer by profession, Javeriah misses her husband a lot, who has gone abroad on a business project for two years. Stating that they talk frequently over phone, she adds, "There are endless things to talk about like family members, kids, relatives and other office happenings, but we rarely talk about 'us'. That's when I thought the best way was to record a tape and let him know what I felt. It had everything from how I felt when I saw other couples walking romantically or getting intimate publicly to sleeping alone in bed at night and missing him every moment. I knew the phone would surely ring as soon as he received this and it worked really well. During that call, we spoke about nothing else but about our love, romance and how much we missed each other."

Point to ponder: Mellow down your voice while recording a love message and let your partner hear your thoughts brimming with emotions. Both the message and your recorded voice must touch his heart and the feeling of passion should be clear and loud enough to ignite his senses.

MUHAMMAD MAHTAB BASHIR
mahtabbashir@gmail.com
Voice: 0300 52 56 875
ISLAMABAD

THE END OF CIRCLE

mahtabbashir@yahoo.com (m@ht@b) — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 07:37:00 +0000

Dedicated to MY MEMORIES: I LIVE & DIEwith them

When the world was fair
And the sky was blue
And our house was small
With its bedrooms two
And the children laughed
As their toys they threw.
And the neighbours kids
Loved our Irish stew
Then each evening when
The kids had been fed
Xenab, Maryum kissed
Cuddled and put to bed.
Then Moazzam dressed in black
While Rehana dressed in red
And off to the parties
As our car was sped.
And everyone of us
Sagely nodded our heads
And prophesied doom
As our money all fled
But we laughed aloud
And our life we said
Was a carpet of roses
‘Neath a star spangled spread.
Time has proved us right
Our house is now bigger
It’s grown a new top
And the noises are fewer
The children went off
On their long school skelter
Moazzam bhai disappeared
And the rooms stood empty
Looking lonelier and neater
And I missed those sweet days
All the mess and the litter
The love and the nonsense
The laughter and the patter.
Slowly but surely
Things shaping up better
Now I’m waiting a moment
When these kids have kids
With God’s grace that’s what matters
And my life’s circle will close
With the grand children’s chatter.

Muhammad Mahtab Bashir
ISLAMABAD
mahtabbashir@yahoo.com
Voice: 0300 52 56 875

AN UGLY OBSESSION WITH THE BODY BEAUTIFUL

mahtabbashir@yahoo.com (m@ht@b) — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 15:46:00 +0000

Young women today know that talent matters, but that they will go farther if they have the looks to go with them.

Last night, among an audience of high-achieving teenage girls, I found myself a little in awe. How come no one has spots any more? Why are they better groomed, dressed and poised than I am even now? What's with this Identikit babe- licious hair: long, artfully dishevelled, flicked with the imperiousness of a Louis XV courtesan.

These are children raised in an age of supermaterialism. They know their precise market worth, are savvily aware of their assets and oversee them like hedge fund managers. I can imagine many such girls in a few years time entering beauty competitions such as Miss University London - this week picketed by student feminists - using it to extract a gorgeous ballgown from dad, pouting and preening, partying through defeat, then proceding with the business of conquering the world.

As the economy slip-slides towards the 1970s, how appropriate to revive that lava lamp of the sex wars: are beauty contests misogynist? Especially as it is exactly 40 years since “women's libbers” descended on Atlantic City for what they called the “degrading mindless-boob-girlie symbol”, the Miss America pageant, where they filled a brazier with bras, false eyelashes, tweezers, back issues of glossy magazines and suchlike “freedom trash”.

The protesters outside this week's contest echoed the old plea that women be judged for their brains, not their beauty. But what has happened in the past four decades is that women are now measured by both. A woman can be a presidential hopeful, Home Secretary, a classical violinist, the driest of academics, yet she will be judged most harshly upon her appearance and must take care not to neglect her mindless-boob-girlie side.

Today's young women work to that understanding: they aspire to a seat on the board and to look great in a basque. Thanks to decades of hairy-legged protest, no professional field is closed to them. Their grades and talent matter, but they know, all else being equal, they'll go farther faster by looking hot.

So schools now pander to this, having their prettier pupils parade in fashion shows. With a trend for cheerleaders, proms and balls, British education seems to be moving ever closer to the US model of teendom as an explicit contest of beauty and popularity.

So it was heartening that young women students - rather just than the usual Sixties suspects - spoke out against beauty contests. For a decade now, feminism has fallen oddly silent, few voices raised against the pornification of popular culture that has rebranded clip joints as entertainment, pole-dancing as “empowering” and Carnage freshers' balls, in which women are expected to dress as “dirty porn stars”, as innocent fun. Little surprise that for their efforts the protesters were dubbed rabid, jealous and - what else? - ugly.

The American columnist Maureen Dowd noted that women have latterly abandoned feminism for narcissism. As London's neo-libbers may find out, it is wearisome to be forever angry. It takes courage and cussedness not to care that the world thinks you a dog. Easier, more fun to lighten up, go shopping, hang out at the spa and get laid for once.

Moreover, it is no longer just girls who are beseiged by beauty's demands. Listening to the young EastEnders buck Joe Swash on I'm a Celebrity... remark that his backside was his best feature, I wondered when we started grading the male form on its constituent parts. Women have long been a sum of their legs, tits and ass. Now men must have butts, abs, pecs and - as the Strictly Come Dancing rugby player Austin Healey dubs his Popeye biceps - “guns”. The modern male body beautiful is not natural but wholly contrived. Look at the sex gods of the Seventies - Richard Gere in American Gigolo, John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever - and their once lusted-after torsos seem soft and slack where now we expect hardbodied and buff.

There has never been a crueller age in which to be ugly. Once plain Jane looks were a misfortune, now they are a sign of negligence. Go to the gym, see Gok, read Grazia, get a surgeon to sort out that schnozz. No excuses suffice any more. Your Heat-reading contemporaries will look on you with pity and disgust, mentally ringing “circles of shame” around your unwaxed pits and dimpled thighs.

I'm not worrying too hard about the Miss University London contestants dipping a pedicured toe into beauty's shallower end. (Better that show than one I saw advertised in a London nightclub: Miss Real Breasts.) The finalists will go on, in a few years, to be the hottie in accounts, the babe at the Bradford branch. Their worst misfortune will be to start taking their looks too seriously, drift into reality TV or acquire an eating disorder. They are buttressed by education and privilege. Their beauty is only a first-class upgrade: not their ticket to ride.

Unlike the wan girls who hang outside model agencies, the plastic-chested glamour wannabes, the boy-pleasing desperates who send snaps of their breasts to be graded by Nuts magazine or the contestants in the savage professional beauty circuit. The Miss World and Universe contests are regarded as kitsch-fests in the West. Our beauty icons drifted from amateur to professional, from nervous provincial girls in C&A swimwear to supermodels and, latterly, Hollywood stars. Beauty queens were good girls: rigid rules punished promiscuity, pregnancy, even marriage. Maybe we like our chicks a bit dirtier these days.

Today the big beauty titles are fought over by nations with little but pride and pretty girls. The winners come mainly from South America and the former Eastern bloc. The present Miss Universe, Dayana Mendoza, raised in a two-room house in Caracas, was spotted, at the age of 13, at a bus stop. Venezuela has churned out more champs than any other nation, because it has a plastic surgeon on its national team unscrupulous enough to give breast implants to still-growing 17-year-olds. “This isn't a nature contest,” said the country's beauty queen-maker Osmel Sousa. “It's a beauty contest.” Quite.

When the backs of women's magazines are crammed with plastic surgery adverts, how can we tell our daughters that looks don't matter, that character will out. Especially when we defy the notion that beauty is fleeting, when we strive to cling to good looks unto the grave.

So this is the post-feminist age - equal face lifts for all in a mindless-boob-girlie world :)

MUHAMMAD MAHTAB BASHIR
Voice: 0300 52 56 875
House # 2026, Street # 32,
I-10/2, Islamabad
mahtabbashir@gmail.com

GRADES ARE NO PREDICTOR OF FUTURE SUCCESS

mahtabbashir@yahoo.com (m@ht@b) — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 15:39:00 +0000

John Lennon left school without any qualifications, Damien Hirst did marginally better and was awarded an E for his art A-Level whilst Bill Gates dropped out of college on his way to becoming the world's richest man.

They are hardly shining examples of those who achieved all they did because of success in the classroom.

But according to intriguing new research, school tests are by no means a measure of true ability - nor can they be used as a tool to predict future success or abject failure.

The study, by the Chartered Institute of Educational Assessors (CIEA), found that as many as 77 per cent of people believe that formal examinations fail to reflect their true intelligence.

Sour grapes? Perhaps, but there are those who have successfully bucked the trend. They include Gordon Ramsay, Ralph Lauren (who quit college to sell ties in a New York men's store) and degree-less business knights, Richard Branson, Philip Green and Alan Sugar.

Then there's fashion designer Vivienne Westwood, Radio Four's interrogator-in-chief John Humphrys, the BBC's Terry Wogan, chat show legend Michael Parkinson and finally the X-Factor's Simon Cowell. Not one of them made it to university.

Not surprisingly then, just three out of 10 people associate exams with 'a sense of pride', according to the CIEA study which was based on the responses from 2,000 adults.

The research also found that 62 per cent spoke of feeling 'butterflies in the stomach' moments before they were due to sit an exam. Other reactions included headaches, insomnia and vomiting.

Pupils in England currently sit an average of 70 formal examinations, whilst primary school children are now subjected to more tests than their international counterparts.

Yet, 60 per cent of teachers who responded to a separate online poll for the CIEA said they did not think exams were necessarily the best indicators of a pupil's ability and were not reflective of their future success in a job.

'Exams don't suit everybody,' said Graham Herbert, deputy head of the CIEA, which aims to improve senior examiners, moderators and markers. 'They don't tell the full picture. Most adults agree that their performance in exams does not reflect their true abilities.

'That is not to say we should get rid of exams. What we need is a supplement to the exam system, a supplement that can be relied upon. And that supplement could be teacher assessment.'

The CIEA is training qualified assessors through its Chartered Educational Assessor (CEA) initiative and aims to place 3,000 of them in schools across England by 2011. Already 33 are in place, with a further 70 in training.

Mr Herbert said the reliance on exams meant that many schools were now focusing on teaching for tests.

'If you say the purpose is to put a school in a rank order, then it becomes a high-stakes test,' he added. 'People get really nervous about it because their reputation is at risk, so they tend to teach to the test.

'That means that their learners jump through the hoops put there by the exam, rather than testing their ability and their knowledge.

'Take Richard Branson and Winston Churchill. They are two very famous, highly skilled individuals who were both poor exam performers. So exams don't necessarily on their own bring out the best in individuals.

'And they become stigmatised by that. A lot of adults feel that. From our survey, the majority, it seems.'

MUHAMMAD MAHTAB BASHIR

mahtabbashir@yahoo.com
ISLAMABAD

Voice: 0300 52 56 875

WHY MEN CHEAT- and how to stop them

mahtabbashir@yahoo.com (m@ht@b) — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 15:28:00 +0000

You're not as young as you used to be. Sex hasn't been great lately. He simply got his kicks elsewhere. Besides, she's probably prettier and slimmer than you anyway. These are the reasons women think men cheat - but according to best-selling author and marriage counsellor M Gary Neuman, they're all wrong.

For his new book, Why Men Stray And What You Can Do To Prevent It, Neuman spent two years studying 100 men who had affairs and 100 men who were faithful. 'Only eight per cent of the cheating men said it was sexual dissatisfaction at home and 88 per cent said the mistress was not better-looking or in better shape than their wife,' says Neuman. 'The number one reason behind their cheating was the emotional dissatisfaction they felt in their marriage and the emotional connection they unfortunately developed in the affair.'

Around 69 per cent had thought they would never cheat and were surprised at their own insecurity. 'They didn't think they'd fall into an illicit relationship because they were in need of some appreciation and admiration,' Neuman explains.

Although his findings should make some women feel better about themselves (his affair probably wasn't a direct result of your attractiveness or bedroom abilities), the book's title does seem to suggest some of blame lies with the woman. Neuman denies this is the case; many women, he says, are interested in learning what they could have done to prevent their partner's adultery.

'It tells women that emotional connection at home is by far the most important way to develop a happy marriage and reduce the risk of cheating,' he says.

The book may focus on men's infidelity but women aren't innocent: a 2006 survey of 46,000 people found one in ten married women - compared to one in five married men - had strayed too. So should we all expect to be cheated on? Or will we stray? What happened to monogamy?

'Nothing,' says Neuman. 'Alfred Kinsey's studies from the 1950s stated half of married men would cheat by the age of 40. What I have always found strange is how society understands that to be successful at everything in life, whether it be parenthood or a career, takes a lot of time and effort but we don't have the same view towards marriage.'

For some women the book will be a fascinating read. For others it will reaffirm what they've always thought - but we won't put words into their mouths. You've probably worked that out already.

The Truth About Cheating: Why Men Stray And What You Can Do To Prevent It by M Gary Neuman (Wiley, £16.50)

Appreciation is key
One cheating husband told Neuman about what had happened on his wife's birthday. 'He got up at 5.30am to prepare a surprise birthday breakfast for his wife. They'd been in a bad way and he thought it would be a good gesture to show her that he'd heard her complaints; it was a peace offering. But he accidentally left the microwave on too long. By the time he caught it, the kitchen was smoking and the alarm began to blare. His wife woke to chaos at 6.11am on her birthday and - understandably - she was pissed off. But the husband was so angry that she couldn't even take a moment to appreciate his good intentions that he left the house that morning and didn't return until the evening. It was that day he had his first sexual meeting with another woman.'

The signs
He spends more time away from home.
You have sex infrequently.
He avoids contact with you.
He criticises you more often.
He starts fights with you.
He may start talking about other women.

Neuman's action plan
The role his friends play: Neuman found that 77 per cent of cheating men have close friends who have also cheated. Here's one woman's story:
'Roger was his friend since childhood. How was I going to tell my husband who he should or should not hang out with? I was a blind fool.'
Ellen wasn't fond of her husband's closest friend but felt it wasn't her place to do anything. It was after their third child that she got suspicious and, after a few months, discovered her husband had been cheating. He'd found his girlfriend while visiting clubs he probably wouldn't have frequented had it not been for Roger.

Neuman's action plan: If your husband is part of a group of cheating men, his social circle is sending him a strong message about the normality of infidelity.

Step one: Invite his friends and family into your home so you can learn more about them. Some wives dislike their husband's friends and choose to stay far away but we have learned that you improve your odds of fidelity by knowing as much about his friends' lifestyles as possible without being overbearing.

Step two: If he has close friends who are cheaters, introduce him to new friends by going out with other couples. The more time he spends with new faithful men, the less significant his cheating friends become.

Muhammad Mahtab Bashir
Islamabad
Voice: 0300 52 56 875
mahtabbashir@gmail.com

HAPPINESS IS CONTAGIOUS

mahtabbashir@yahoo.com (m@ht@b) — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 15:24:00 +0000

Happiness is 'contagious’ and can spread through networks of friends, family and neighbours, a study has found.

Researchers studied complex social networks of more than 5,000 people and found that happiness is partly dependent on the mood of those near to you and their friends.

Professor Nicholas Christakis from Harvard Medical School and Professor James Fowler from the University of California, San Diego, found that a person’s proximity to happy people – specifically partners, siblings and neighbours – could make them happy too.

The researchers, writing in the British Medical Journal, found that clusters of happy and unhappy people were visible in the networks and the effect lasted for three degrees of separation - meaning one person benefitted from the happiness of their friends’ friends.

It suggests having frequent contact with other people is more important for the spread of happiness rather than the depth of the relationship, the authors said, because the closer people were physically the more likely the happiness was to be passed on.

If you have a friend who lives within a mile (about 1.6km) and who becomes happy it increases the probability that you will become happy by 25 per cent. Similar effects are seen in spouses who live together, siblings who live within a mile of each other and next door neighbours. But there is no effect on your own happiness if your co-workers are happy or not.

The authors said happiness genuinely spreads and the effect is not because happy people band together.

The same phenomenon has been seen in the spread of obesity and smoking, leading the authors to suggest it may also happen in other health-related behaviours such as depression, anxiety, loneliness, drinking, eating and exercise.
This means the spread of happiness through social networks could be used in public health policy as a positive emotional state has been shown to reduce illness and mortality, they said.

Professors Christakis and Fowler suggest the way happiness spreads like an infectious disease may be through mimicry and copying of facial expressions.
Other explanations include that happy people might share their good fortune, by being pragmatically helpful or financially generous to others, or change their behaviour towards others by being nicer or less hostile, or they merely exude an emotion that is genuinely contagious.

The study was based on data collected in the Framingham Heart Study, in which 5,124 adults aged 21-70 were recruited and followed between 1971 and 2003.

MUHAMMAD MAHTAB BASHIR
ISLAMABAD
Cell: 0300 52 56 875

SHORT-HAIRED WOMEN ARE LESS SEXY

mahtabbashir@yahoo.com (m@ht@b) — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 15:05:00 +0000

Women who lop their hair short are no longer interested in bedroom action, say researchers, who claim that 'deliberately reducing one's attractiveness' can sometimes be a way of repelling men's interest.

Initially, the claim was made by sex therapist and former comedian Pamela Stephenson, 59, who said that ladies who cut their hair are deliberately making themselves less sexy to blokes.

However, now the theory has got scientific backing after experts claimed that the links between long hair and sex go back to caveman times, a newspaper reports.

Dr Pam Spurr, a relationships expert, said: "The woman who no longer wants sex uses a haircut to show she's reclaiming power in the bedroom.

"For women, hair is a reflection of the person, of her moods and her self-esteem." Relationship psychologist Anjula Mutanda added: "Cave paintings celebrated long-haired women - the longer the hair the more fertile and, therefore, desirable she was.

"But body language and behaviour expert Judy James disagrees, saying: "The only thing it symbolises these days is the shutting off of childhood. In terms of sex, I would argue it has the opposite effect."

Muhammad Mahtab Bashir
Islamabad
Voice: 0300 52 56 875

mahtabbashir@yahoo.com

GRATEFULNESS - A KEY TO HAPPIER LIFE

mahtabbashir@yahoo.com (m@ht@b) — Sat, 29 Nov 2008 15:28:00 +0000

Want to find the key to a happy life? Well, all you need to do is grab a pen and write letters of gratitude.

Yes, you heard it right. But this method is only a fast solution to make your life happier than what it is now.

Thats what a research done by Dr. Steven Toepfer, assistant professor of family and consumer studies at Kent State University says.

According to Toepfer, people should explore the effects of writing letters of gratitude to people who had positively impacted their lives.

Toepfer, an assistant professor of family and consumer studies at university”’’s Salem Campus, says that expressive writing is something that has been available to mankind since ink first appeared in Egypt more than 4,000 years ago.

“Everyone is pursuing the American dream. We are wealthier than previous generations, consuming more and experiencing more, but yet so many of us are so unhappy,” Toepfer says.
“The question of ””is there something simple we can do to be happier?”” is one that I have been thinking about for many years and one that has interested people for much longer, the researcher added.

With that question in mind, Toepfer enlisted students from six courses to explore the effects of writing letters of gratitude to people who had positively impacted the students”” lives. Over the course of a six-week period, students wrote one letter every two weeks with the simple ground rules that it had to be positively expressive, required some insight and reflection, were nontrivial and contained a high level of appreciation or gratitude.

After each letter, students completed a survey to gauge their moods, satisfaction with life and feelings of gratitude and happiness.

Studies demonstrate, according to Toepfer, that practicing expressive writing is often associated with fewer health problems, decreased depression, an improved immune system and improved grades.

Muhammad Mahtab Bashir
Islamabad
mahtabbashir@yahoo.com
Voice: 0300 52 56 875